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A novice monk is admitted to a remote mountain monastery. When he arrives he’s handed a piece of paper that says, We have a strict vow of silence — you can only say one word every ten years.
The monk settles in to life at the monastery. He works the fields, rebuilds walls, sleeps on a stone floor. After ten years, he is allowed to say one word, and he says, “Cold.”
He works for another ten years, and then says “Tiring.”
He works for another ten years, and then says “Leaving.”
The abbot writes on a paper and hands it to him. It says, “About time you left, you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

As distinct from “catfish-noodling”, which is done bare-handed…

(Also known as, you should excuse the expression, “catfisting”.)

I wish I was making this up. It sounds like a ThinkGeek April Fools gag, but it’s not.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,591129,00.html

The basics: The woman’s pubic area gets waxed, completely removing all hair. Then a bunch of rhinestones and other glittery stuff are glued in place, in a pattern of the woman’s choosing.

In good investigative journalistic fashion, the reporter not only reported on this trend, she had it done to herself as well.

Quoting from the article:

—
The procedure goes something like this: You choose your design and they wax you bare as the day you were born. Then the design is hand-glued, crystal by crystal, or a crystal “tattoo” is applied. Generally, the vajazzling is done just above the, well, key player, as it were. Having it done any further down is not recommended, though from Hewitt’s description, it sounds like she went all out. Some women have a very small, simple design done high enough that low-slung jeans will reveal a glimmer. But the real thing is as low as you dare to go. Basically, where the hair was, now there are crystals.

Completely Bare in New York City, which claims to have originated the service and the name, offers a variety of designs starting at $115, including the wax. One design, a beautiful padlock on a chain, costs $750.

So, in the name of journalism, I decided I had to get vajazzled myself. Unfortunately, I don’t live in NYC and so Completely Bare wasn’t an option on such short notice.
—

I know I’m showing my vanilla prejudices here… smooth skin above the waist, beards below. Jewels never entered into my thinking at all. Don’t those crystal things HURT when the action gets going? Seems to me that Vajazzling is all about “Look, but don’t touch.” That seems to be such a waste of a good thing.

(… goes back to her woefully sheltered existence …)

For that of you not from the U.S. or maybe not even from the South, the rural method here of catching bullfrogs to eat involves using a hook called a gig, and is known as giggin’.

Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Q: What’s the difference between an accordian player and a bullfron walking down the street?

A: The bullfrom just might be in his way to a gig.

Q: What did the drummer get on his SATs?

A: Drool.

I told my daddy I said “Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a guitar player!” He said “Son, you can’t have it both ways.”

The savings bond will eventually mature and make money.