Despite being a longtime lurker, I’m lured by the possibility of being the first to comment. It’s good to see Stewart branching out with the localvore diet.
Everyone must be following the election results. Wow! Toni backpedaling while Clarice is feeling the first signs of spring fever…and will rhubarb wine be able to sway sparrow? Everything must change.
Your interpretation of the complexity of relationships are SOOOOOOOOO much more compelling than the insipid, trite, badly written “L” word. Thank you Allison.
Luckily, Stuart is not the one with the womb (although you’d never know it to hear him talk.) And since Sparrow works for NARAL, she can no doubt find a good place to get her tubes tied with discretion.
I still think we’re seeing something happen in the Stuart et al household that doesn’t exactly involve Stuart. Mostly because it seems like Stuart has deinvolved himself. Is he even paying attention? o_O
I sort of like seeing Toni being dubious about Gloria. It never felt like she and Clarice split because of Gloria, really; the Gloria affair was just a symptom.
I love how Stuart is getting ready to tell Sparrow he wants another baby, while Sparrow is working to fund abortion. Great dichotomy.
I also like the contrast in the 5th panel, where the gay dad and his daughter (from Strip 488) are happily together, while Gloria and Toni are falling apart.
Plus J.R. with a straw up her nose.
I just finished caucusing for Clinton, surrounded by Obama supporters. In addition to be biased against people with kids and those who have to work in the evening, the caucus was crowded, chaotic and confusing. (I live in Colorado.)
The two hundred of us pressed into a classroom tallied votes by raising hands and counting off. This from an “advanced” democracy? (Or maybe those quotes should be around the word democracy…)
Been reading for years and years and this is the first time commenting… mostly to just say hi. If I got started about how much the story and the art means to me I could take up half a page. Love it, love the details in both art and story. I have Funhome as well.
Thank you Allison, for the fab strip - and I wish you the best in your new romantic endeavor!
I, for one, have been watching the returns - anxiously. It’s not even the Dems that are worrisome (I would be o.k. with either candidate, though I prefer Obama - and rock on Minnesota for such a large margin!), it’s that McCain doesn’t seem to have that much of a lead, and now people are talking about a McCain/Huckabee ticket! … I wish we could get away from billionaires and crazy Christian fundamentalists and have some old school “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” Republicans back leading the party. At least they wouldn’t be eroding our civil liberties and trying to return us to the dark ages.
I do feel hopeful about the enormous turn out, though. And hopeful that either way, the democratic nominee will be a change from the usual politics.
Back to the strip… Maybe Lois can take Clarice out for some looking around! That would be fun!
New excuse, along with the taxes: “Think of the Kids/Children.”
There’s nothing like that moment when you recognize that, while you’ve been talking up your kids, they’ve been snurrping something up their noses with their straws. That’s some real parenting, there.
Woo-hoo! Current events resoundingly echoed in the delicious dish. I love this strip! LOVE IT! (Not just this episode, but most beautifully including it.) Like shining from shook foil!
For a moment there I was afraid that JR’s Utilikilt-pulling was going to result in a display of Stuart’s baby-making tackle. (Guys who wear Utilikilts follow the Scottish rule of eschewing underwear under kilts, right?)
If Stuart had a clue he wouldn’t be providing a handy weapon (the wine bottle) to Sparrow when he tells her he’s ready to have another baby! Ha! Alison you’re living proof that liberal social/political cartoonists (AB in particular) are the among the few great (largely unrecognized) literary beacons of our time. As the “war economy” implodes this strip remains one of the few bright spots in an increasingly bleak landscape. Wow that sounds morose. Wait, it’ll get worse.
actually, the word on the street is that our idiotic dickhole scumbag of a governor (aka pawlenty) is going to become McCain’s veep candidate. so they can appeal to the no-tax, pro-crumbling infrastructure vote, I guess.
McCain and Huckabee! *No one* would vote for them!
(although I campaigned for Joe Lieberman with Al Gore, so I guess others might compromise their values too…)
Weirdly I was having fantasies last night of McCain saying in SC “You’re right to have voted for me this time, and you were wrong to trust that lying b**turd last time. Did you see what he did to me? Now he’s doing it to the planet.” Though what that would achieve I don’t know.
I wish I could vote, it would only be fair because of USA`s world domination.
Tried to convince my ex who is american to vote but he could not afford a train ticket to the capital where the embassy is, lousy excuse but what can you do.
Feel so sorry for Stuart: I thought Sparrow has said she WON’T be home tonight for dinner? and am also afraid she’s going to finally tell him she’s dumping him. I can only empathize with him (must confess that it has happened to me as well to turn a blind eye on significant others’ needs and change).
Having been a mostly SAHM for 10 years, I really sympathize with Stuart. He had a fun moment with JR that he was proud of (the Chinese flashcards) and Sparrow totally blew him off with her comment. (I don’t have time to check your blog every 20 minutes sweetie). Could she be more patronizing and dismissive?! Its tough being at home with little kids all day. The real world doesn’t care about your struggles and triumphs, that’s for sure. And when your partner doesn’t either, it really is so demoralizing.
AB……..as an artist i often find that my creative work experiences peaks and valleys in and out of relationships…..now that I am in a loving and stable relationship…i often think about the drama and anxiety ridden days with former partners which fueled a massive fire storm of dark-toned imagery………sometimes i miss that kind of work..but can do without the drama. How do you work it?
Now that I’ve read Patti’s comment, I’m torn between sympathies for Stuart and Sparrow, whereas right up to that moment I was totally on Sparrow’s side.
I think if she hadn’t followed up her snappish “every twenty minutes” comment with an explanation of what was keeping her so swamped, I’d feel for Stuart. (Plus he just strikes me as the type who has already made a similar phone call four times that day). But by forgetting her big event in the course of his own wants, he’s also being dismissive of her work.
I would LOVE to go check Stuart’s blog for the Chinese flashcards video. Would please anyone explain what they are? and also the Nether Heights Middle School? sorry for asking for “translation”, but I need it.
Why is Daddy a dodohead? The mention of another baby or the Chinese flashcards (why not Korean?)
And Stella’s relegating Raffi to “Harry Potter” status, i.e., the cupboard under the stairs instead of a real room, is very clever. Likewise the comparison of attempts to shove us into another war (with Iran) to the deceits of the Vietnam era. They don’t even try to make it look really different, counting on a combination of memory loss and apathy.
love the idea of clarice regaining her youthful outlook. a fling should be around the corner for her. and no wonder toni is ambivalent about the insipid gloria - the woman is practically see-through. definitely not the gloria that inspired the patti smith song.
but toni and clarice back together? surely not - too trite.
Funny-we’re snarking on Jeffy from FC at joshreads.com today-he has a problem with his gross little nose as well.
Eurk!
#520-exceptionally well played, Alison.
Enjoy the time with your new belle! : D
I just clicked on the “SNURRP” detail at the top of the page, expecting to see just that (a closeup of the detail) on Flickr, as usual. What a pleasure to be able to view the entire strip at the “original size” (3655 x 4720, which, on my mointor, is rendered larger than I gather AB’s original drawings ctually are).
It’s such a revelation to really pore over the details of each panel. The technical details like the use of crosshatching and the remarkably evocative postures of the tiny silhouetted figures in the background are fascinating; but above all I’m struck by the facial expressions. So much is communicated, with so much nuance, in a few strokes of the pen.
Even if you’re not into analyzing the artwork on hat level, I recommend viewing the full-size version. On my first reading at normal size, I didn’t even catch Clarice’s leer in panel 9, which is actually quite vivid
Cynthia-Symp, Utilikilts have a privacy panel that snaps across the crotch area. It reminds me of my parochial school, where we wore gym shorts under our uniform skirts in 7th and 8th grades due to boys with a yen for flipping up the skirts as we walked past.
Wait wait wait…. what ever happened to Sparrow’s “no booze in the house EVAR!” rule? Was a time, one beer in the door would cause the poor lady to spin out of control!
Why does Stewart need to tell Sparrow he’s ready? Shouldn’t he just tell her that she has to provide him with another baby? I mean, she is just a portable gestation unit, right?
Oh, wait, the Feminism101 subroutine just kicked in.
Stewart’s a dead man. I wonder where Sparrow will hide the body. Will she go John Wayne Gacy and use the crawlspace, or will she go for the shallow grave off the interstate?
Whoa. Upheaval indeed. The kids are going to have an upheaval all right and not the one they expected. I agree with J.R. - Daddy’s a doodoo head. Sparrow’s what? 43 or so? Pregnancy’s no picnic for a younger woman, let alone someone in her 40s who already had to be sent to bed rest. He must think she’s a vending machine.
Lois and Clarice! Yes! Lois is BACK in the saddle again. I was really missing her old self.
> Tried to convince my ex who is american to vote but he could not afford a train ticket to the capital where the embassy is, lousy excuse but what can you do.
> Wait wait wait…. what ever happened to Sparrow’s “no booze in the house EVAR!” rule? Was a time, one beer in the door would cause the poor lady to spin out of control!
That’s because at the time she was with June, who was a recovering alcoholic.
Speaking of caucuses: ours is this Saturday, and we’re expecting a huge turnout. I’m still voting for Edwards, at least on the first ballot. Depending on the situation in my caucus, I might switch to Hillary. I really don’t like Obama. Tonight us die-hard Edwards supporters are meeting at Snoose Junction Pizzeria for wine (no rhubarb, alas!) and strategy.
Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Will Cuppy: In America everybody’s conscience is unusually free. If it isn’t, we fix it. We’re funny that way.
the flashcard JR is not paying attention to is pronounced ‘an’ in mandarin chinese and it means safe, calm, quiet or peaceful. I’ll be extra nerdy and say that that character is supposedly written that way because it shows a very rudimentary woman under a little roof. there’s argument about exactly why that’s supposed to be peaceful, but one dictionary I have says ‘the rules of decency required that proper women spent most of their lives sequestered in the home’. Did AB know this or is it another lovely bit of serendiptiy?
Um, not Friday night, I gotta do my taxes. Indeed.
Hard to recognize Sparrow sometimes, huh? I wonder how many New Age’rs are now hard-core nonprofit executives verging on workaholism?
I used to despise Stuart, but I kinda get his “I’m ready for another baby” thing. AB’s just flipped the gender roles. Loads of women go through this craving, even into their 40s as their little toddlers get bigger. His meaning comes from being a SAHD and thus, to me, his yearnings are logical. For whatever reason, he doesn’t come across to me as a patriarchal privileged prick. Go figure.
I agree with ready2agitate. Sparrow and Stuart are embodying fairly common roles (albeit with some gender changes) and experiencing the lack of connection that can easily happen between parents of a small child. I know — I’m living it right now. (And if you’d told me 10 years ago that this is where I’d be now, I would have struggled to believe it!) It’s sometimes annoying, it’s sometimes amusing, but if handled well, it can also be just a stage — one chapter of a long, evolving and generally contented relationship between partners.
Stella and Rafi are going to date, right? Reminds me of how I used to flirt with girls’n'boys in middle school, minus chasing after them with bugs I caught.
Maggie Jochild, it’s Mandarin becaue Sparrow is Chinese-American. Why would it be Korean? “Daddy is a dodohead” because JR is 3 (or 4?). Last night my 4 year old screamed so loud I was afraid the neighbors would call the cops “AHHHHHHHH YOU’RE HURTING ME YOU’RE HURTING ME!!!!” because he *imagined* I was getting shampoo in his eyes.
Ok, since someone brought up adoption, I have to interject an impassioned plea.
Alison, I know from this blog that you are a compulsive researcher, so I probably don’t have to tell you this, but if you do bring an adoption into the storyline PLEASE research thoroughly the perspectives of adult adoptees and birthparents. It is wonderful that adoption is so openly accepted and discussed these days compared to just a generation ago. BUT IT SUCKS that that acceptance and conversation pretty much takes place only on the adoptive parents’ terms. I say this as a birthmother, and as a friend and ally to many adult transnational adoptees. Our stories and critiques are rarely heard - they complicate things. Transnational/transracial adoption in particular is intense. We’re talking about a minefield of imperialism, capitalism, militarism, misogyny. I cringe to see so many white queer couples entering into transnational/transracial adoptions without any critical analysis of their power and privilege in the situation or how their kids are going to carry all this. Add the Brangelina trend and…
Ok, said my piece on that.
Don’t intend to start any debates about it here, don’t have the energy for it and there are plenty of resources out there if you care to look, just wanted to make sure it was on the radar.
I drive a school bus, & the middle school kids are my favorite ones- Stella & Raffi are so much like the lil doofs I have on that run- is he in 7th or 8th grade? ( I will say 8th ) Have they experienced other people bullying them for having two same sex parents?
How do we know that Stewart is going to propose getting the next baby the old fashioned way?
I never thought I’d say that but I also feel a little sorry for the poor chap in this one. Then again I grew up with a workaholic mom who snubbed most attempts we made at connecting too, so I might be biased.
I think Mer is right. Sparrow has been clean and sober in the past. She was always going to 12-step meetings (I assumed that was where she met June), and the beer in the house was definitely an issue for her. Nice call on the continuity error! (or is it that she’s off the wagon now?)
In either case, I doubt that the rhubarb wine is going to be enough to convince her to have another kid. She was ambivalent enough about the first one.
I thought we saw Sparrow and Stuart drinking wine in the strip where they ran into June? And going to 12-step meetings with June would be rather Sparrow
Ambivalence is sort of a euphemism here surely. Stuart was pretty much begging & weeping for her to keep it, as I recall. And that was after the fait accompli.
Plus, that paint-stripper ain’t gunna do much convincing… Poor Stuart. Poor, poor Sparrow. Their dynamic is so eewww.
Hey, Ellen O, you’re right about the caucus being hard on parents (my biceps are sore from holding my 2 year old in the 25 degree weather while we waited to get into the caucus site last night) but we had so many people last this year, the kid thing was actually easier than usual - last time I caucused I had the only baby and it was a real problem.
This time me there were enough kids and parents that we could just leave the kids together and pop in and out watching them. Three of the parents last night became delegates. Except the 11 month old kept making a break for the stairs, so she got held a lot. But there were enough trusted neighbors there that it wasn’t just her mom holding her.
Another thing that was nice was that our caucus was moved to a church, so there was a “crying room” where you could hang with the kids while watching to see if anything was actually happening in the big room. I was anti having it in a church because I know some of our neighbors wouldn’t go, but as a parent it was really nice.
I do feel for Stuart. It’s so hard to get any adult attention when you always have a little one with you, and then there’s that time when they don’t need you so intensely and you think “maybe we should have another one…” I’m glad my partner’s horror stopped that impulse cold - the feeling of loss went away a lot faster than another baby would have.
Well, live and learn. All this time I’ve thought Sparrow was Korean-American. I must have conflated her with Margaret Cho (rather an appealing image, actually).
I went looking through the Cast Characters on the site here, but nobody’s ethnicity or class background is mentioned, dammit.
re the Chinese heritage: On page 144 of “Dykes and Sundry Other Carbon-Based Life-Forms To Watch Out For” it states that Sparrow’s father met his wife-to-be while he was stationed in Taiwan.
I don’t feel sorry for Stuart at all; whether he wants to adopt a baby or have one the “old fashioned” way, he’s going to TELL her HE’S ready—not ASK her if she’d like to have another child, or how she feels about it. He hasn’t even considered the posibility that she wouldn’t want to “loan her uterus to him”, or she may not want the additional expense, stress, etc. of another child. It seems Sparrow’s feelings on this subject are pretty insignificant to Stuart.
I wouldn’t be suprised if Sparrow ended up having a little office fling; reconnect with her Sapphic side…
I don’t feel like Stuart’s awful, patriarchal, or whatever here. I just feel like he’s totally out of touch with his home-life’s actual reality. He’s seeing what he wants to see.
Hey it’s Lois! Hi Lois! I’ve missed her as she seems to pop up only for gatherings and holidays nowadays, kind of like Bob and Kim Hughes on “As the World Turns.”
Hear hear for bringing the complexity of adoption into the strip. I would love that. Mjoe, would be curious to know if you think the book “The Family of Adoption” does a good job representing multiple perspectives for prospective adoptive parents?
Oh, and can you BELIEVE that AB never came round to relieve us of our querying over the recharge my feret thing?! Has she got a life or something beyond our nutty blogosphere?!
And Shado, sorry to disagree, but I just don’t see telling one’s partner one is ready for something (polyamory, child-rearing, adoption, relocating, getting married, etc.) necessarily meaning that you’re telling them/demanding that it’s time to do it. You’re just declaring your own desire for it. And he knows he needs the rhubarb whatever b/c it will surely make for a long night w/his SO (significant other)!
I’m with Ed: The strip needs more Lois. Or maybe it’s just us who need more of her… Whatever the case, it’s always a thrill to see her.
I’m rooting for Toni and Clarice to find their way back to each other, so I was quite excited to see Toni’s exchange with Gloria.
Stuart, meanwhile, is starting to worry me. “I’m ready to have another baby”? Like he’s the one who will actually carry another one for nine months? I can understand that he might want a brother or sister for JR, but he seems to be completely unaware of how Sparrow actually feels. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen that many panels where Sparrow is doing any parenting. She’s coming across as a very cold, uninvolved parent [which doesn’t surprise me, quite frankly, for all her New Age pronouncements, Sparrow has always struck me as singularly un-empathic toward anyone].
Everyone is assuming that the wine is to soften up Sparrow. I think he expects to celebrate after his “announcement.”
On the other hand, we’re also assuming that Sparrow will be hostile to the idea. I don’t recall her expressing an opinion on the subject. Maybe she’s been waiting on Stewart.
I don’t think Stella and Raffi will ever date - I think there’ve been studies done on kids in the same kibbutzes or communal living / close familial relationships and they turn out more like siblings.
DeLandDeLakes - I thought you moved to Oregon (despite the moniker)! Well. Glad to have you here on the frozen tundra. Pawlenty??? Great. Maybe bridges will start crumbling in Washington.
This is an especially wonderful strip. I love how you tied everything together. I laughed aloud at “sweetie, use your words,” followed by “Daddy is a Dodohead.” It’s also great to see so many characters in one strip, with such substantial glimpses into how everyone’s lives are evolving.
Thank you Alison! What a gift (and what dedication) you have!!
Also, I’m not inclined to come down hard on Stuart. He loves being a stay at home dad, and he wants another baby. He’s intensely domestic and I’m quite sure he’d carry the fetus himself if it was biologically possible. He and Sparrow obviously live very different lives right now. But I don’t take that as his being uncaring or assuming he has rights to her uterus, any more than I take Sparrow’s response on the phone as totally dismissive or uncaring. Rather, the strip suggests to me that Sparrow and Stuart are equally out of touch with each other’s lives, and still love each other and fundamentally support each other. I don’t find that dynamic gross, patriarchal, etc, just realistic. Couples go through phases like that, regardless of their gender(s). Some couples come through it, others don’t. Like any great storyteller, Alison leaves things open-ended enough that we get to see what we want to see… just as the characters do.
I hope Stella and Raffi are not going to start dating one another. They might end up having an accident and raffi would be a single dad, like some of my male friends have.
Wait,this is what I dreamed about last night..newer mind
Yeeaahhh!!! I love more babies.
As long as I’m not having them.
Also- congrats on the dating. I’m sure that we will all deal if you spend more time away from the blog (some of us might even leave our computers and go out in the sunshine).
If Sparrow agrees to another baby (which I don’t think she will), is Stuart willing to go back to work to support the family? I don’t think he thought about it.
Stuart is a prime example of what happens to many culturally aware and critically engaged adults who choose dedicate themselves entirely to the raising of small children. They get out of practice with the discursive give-and-take of public life and become solipsistically fixated on their values and principles (the very good values and principles that led to making this choice); in short, they become fanatics. This is because they are faced with a terrible paradox: (a) what they have chosen to do is vitally important, and (b) what they have chosen to do is incredibly boring.
Remember, it wasn’t until relatively recently that those responsible for raising children (women) were encouraged to participate in public life, and those few who were privileged enough to do so usually paid less privileged people to care for their children. (This is still the case: day care work and babysitting are neither prestigious nor remunerative labor.)
Stuart is a particularly stark example of this phenomenon because he is male and he shares his household with other adults, but it’s something that happens to a lot of people who leave intellectually engaging work and isolate themselves with small children.
[a disclaimer: I tend to read these characters as being wittily perceptive manifestations of the phenomena of contemporary culture rather than as individuated personalities, though they are that, too.]
On the Stella/Raffi thing, do we even know if Stella is (sexually/romantically) interested in boys? If so, I missed it. It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing we should prejudge, in either direction.
The Raffi/Stella exchange in this episode is kind of weird. I’m not sure how much of that hostility was just joking — I mean, I’m really not sure. Stella’s comeback is clever, but by making it she puts herself in the role of Harry Potter’s obnoxious and ludicrous muggle cousin. Is that significant?
On Sparrow and Stuart, note his response: “Damn, I forgot about that!” In other words, she told him she had a commitment and he made plans anyway — not, he made plans and she found a way to weasel out. It’s the opposite of the Gloria/Toni exchange.
I sometimes wonder about Alison’s insistence that having kids has to conflict with work. Of course, every major commitment conflicts with every other major commitment in the obvious sense that there are only 24 hours in a day. But there have been two kids whose family life has been depicted in the strip. In each case, one parent has taken an exclusively maternal role (Toni didn’t work outside the home for several years) and the other parent has withdrawn almost entirely into work. At least in Clarice’s case that was consistent with her personality prior to the baby, but as others have pointed out it represents a substantial and not clearly motivated change in Sparrow. There’s nothing natural or necessary about that dichotomy and I don’t understand why Alison insists on it. It’s ideologically associated with the sort of people and positions she usually disagrees with.
I think Public Health Vet and Scotia raise some very good points.
One of the many wonderful things about the DTWOF strip is how the characters are so well fleshed out and all sides of an issue are there if you want to look for them. I guess that is what makes great fiction, in general. It also makes for lively discussion among us who see completely different things.
When I read this strip it made me wish that my balding guy had not taken so long to decide that he was ready for another baby - by then it was too late for the traditional method, hard as we tried. And, unlike Stuart, he wasn’t offering anything beyond half of the childcare. Regarding the uterus asymmetry in heterosexual couples, I think a little perspective is in order: pregnancy can be a lot of fun and even when it is not, its challenges (like its joys) pale in comparison to those of raising a child.
Alison’s depiction of JR in this strip is so perfect. I think she must have secretly researched the kids at the school where I work. Supposed language geniuses all, but half the time, communication is screeches and name calling…..
Andrew B, I think that Alison is pointing out that relationships are rarely completely egalitarian. Regardless of the gender make-up, it seems rare to find parents who absolutely equally divide time/responsibilities. Also, her characters are very human, and most of us don’t manage idealized lives/relationships.
Ellen O says:
I just finished caucusing for Clinton, surrounded by Obama supporters.
Ellen, I can relate. I caucused for Clinton in a state bordering Colorado. We were surrounded by and blown out of the water by the Obama supporters. Also, did you notice a bimodal age distribution like we did? Most of us Clinton supporters were older, most of the Obama supporters were younger.
I take mild offense at Scotia’s comments above; please, let’s avoid making sweeping, negative generalizations about what stay-at-home parents and parenting are like. (It’s pretty condescending to consider it incredibly boring or un-intellectual, for instance.) There’s enough public animosity between stay-at-home parents and parents who work outside the home as it is (the hideously named “mommy wars”), and much of it ends up being pretty misogynistic.
IMHO the mommy wars are largely a media construct, like biological clocks. I have never actually witnessed hostility or condescension between parents who worked and those who didn’t. I am/was a SAHM and yes, it can be duller than ditchwater, AND it has moments of being highly rewarding BUT I refuse to ennoble my choice with false romanticism and moral superiority. I don’t know of any parent (except on TV) who does feel superior about working in/out of the home.
wow I am so sick of talking about stewart all the time!! We went through this last strip!! I bet if you searched, his name would come up more times that anyone elses in the stip….
Toni is really being boring. Taxes vs. sex, hmmmmm. seems a no brainer. She must be hitting menopause. That’s when I basically gave it up.
“Mucusoid mouthbreather” sounds, for some reason, very american. I mean it sounds like american kids speaking. Very fascinating.
Now you know what I think.
Oh, and I think Cynthia and Toni will work out, by the way.
I don’t know why. I just do.
Subconscious desire.
Universal understanding.
I don’t know. I just do.
I was a stay at home mother for about 8 years. I also continued to read, listen to public radio, design clothes, network with other vegetarian mothers, play music (although I did morph from “original music” to kids music; just logistics, really). In spite of (or because of ) all this, I found every moment home with children totally interesting and satisfying. Yes, I was busy 20/7 and never slept 8 hrs in a row; yes, I was at the mercy of an almost pavlovian response to my babies crying; did that matter? no.
I remember in the early 80s, I used to read a lot of OP ED pieces in the Washington Post written by former career-gals-turned-stay-at-home-moms. It always seemed to be a lament that on the rare occasion they could go to a cocktail party, having found a baby sitter, some wonder gal on the fast track would ask them that Washingtonian question: “So what do you do?” and the “stay home” answer would stop the conversation flat.
I could never understand that. I have always had a zillion things to talk about and they were NOT about diapers or feeding schedules or pre-school waiting lists… gimme a break!
I really did feel like Margaret Mead on a sabbatical, watching my child recreate all of evolution by learning to speak in a two-year period.
I learned about human relations, peace, communication, and non-violence from doing my stint at the co-op pre-school and having to intervene in sandbox conflicts, which I may add, was probably the best training I ever had for the workplace, because trust me, most adult american men have never really transcended those sandbox territorial wars…(although most of the men on this blog are incredibly evolved compared to men I have worked with over the years. something about art elevating mankind, no doubt.)
Anyway, my oldest daughter, after getting her college degree and earning a living for about 10 years decided to go the stay-at-home mother route. (luckily she lives in a part of the county and has a working husband that both make this possible.) I briefly wondered if she was selling her “career” short, and then recognized I myself had taken the same route.
I think Stuart is not terrible empathetic, but I could say the same of Sparrow. We have never gotten much of a glimpse of their personal, emotional relationship (at least not lately.) So I am reluctant to cast stones.
But I will bet that if Raffi and Stella every “date,” I will also win the lottery, get a mortgage, and fit into a size 2 pair of fashion jeans. Not terrible likely.
And my prediction is that someday little JR will give Janis a run for her money!
Another great strip. Raffi and Stella: it would be like incest, as I’m sure they instinctively know.
Cynthia-Symp ( and various others with bizarre ideas ):
No, no, no ! Real Scots always wear underwear under their kilts. This whole idea that there’s nothing worn under the kilt ( … “it’s all in perfect working order”… ) is a myth put about by the English, and continued by people who only wear kilts to weddings and New Year parties. My family are Scots ( though with strong links to London, hence my nick ), and we all wear underwear under our kilts. I wear kilts in one or other of my sept’s tartans pretty regularly, and it would never cross my mind to go commando. Think about it this way: a real kilt is bloody expensive, requires careful hanging, doesn’t wash easily, and costs a fortune to have cleaned properly; would you take the risk of skidmarks ?
Good site. The three candidates I was most seriously interested in (Obama, Clinton, Edwards) scored in inverse order to the one my conscious brain is leaning toward. And Dennis Kucinich, whom I never seriously considered even though I knew I agreed with everything he stood for…came in at 100%!
I will confess that something I never expected to happen to me is happening. Thirty years ago I probably would be a “Barack Star” too. (In my day it was “Neat and Clean for Gene [McCarthy].”)
Even though logically speaking, Obama says all the right things, and it’s long overdue to make history for African Americans, the truth is, in my gut it is long overdue to make history for women, and I identify more with someone my own age. Yes, I think age more than gender is what is operating for me. (And of course, political stance. I am sure there are more subtle things going on, but I know there is an element of wanting to vote for “my own kind.”) Demographics are more than grist for polls. It really operates in the psyche.
And LondonBoy, I sympathize about the kilt. Back in Catholic girls’ school, our uniform was a pleated plaid skirt that cost 17 cents per pleat to dry clean (in 1967). With 30-something pleats, it was highway robbery even then.
But I have this wonderful book about the history of knitted socks and it has a drawing of some ancient Scot laying out his blanket in folds and lying down on it, then standing up and wrapping in around like a kilt.. (Too complicated for me to put effectively into words.) There was probably a time in the way back when people had not invented underwear yet, and no doubt that is where the “bizarre ideas” spring from.
I bet the kilt looks awesome with the leather jacket.
One of my fondest kilt memories is the time I saw David Byrne of the Talking Heads in Baltimore. He changed costumes more frequently than Stevie Nicks, strangely enough, but the 2nd to last outfit was a kilt with florescent pink threads running through the pattern, worn with an army-olive drab t-shirt and matching knee socks. A vivid memory to this day.
Shifting over to the topic of kilts, when I was in grad school, in London, one of my friends was a real, live Scotsman. When every other male singer was putting on their recitals in boring suits and ties, Ross would do his in a black kilt, black dress shirt, black vest (waistcoat) and bright purple tie.
It was awesome.
He agrees with London Boy, btw, about the underwear.
could you talk more about the issues you see with white parents and transracial / transnational parents? It’ll help me understand more if you can use specific examples. I’ve always assumed the issue was a matter of How one raised the children and not If one raised them, but maybe you’re saying there’s no way around the problems you see? Help me understand.
re: rhubarb wine
I suspect it’s simply a symbolic gesture of love and romance. He’d have picked her local flowers if it weren’t winter, but with the same meaning: I adore our family.
I think Korean is one of the Asian groups who actually hasn’t had representation. Sparrow is Chinese (Taiwanese?). June was Filipina (I remember seeing her on a float for Filipina lesbians at a Pride parade, and was amazed; I don’t think I’ve seen any literary character elsewhere identified as such, let alone in a comic strip!). And some years back there was a minor character (Ginger’s student/Lois’s fling) named Yoshiko, who I can only assume from the name was Japanese.
I continue to be hugely impressed by Alison’s commitment to multiculturalism. If only the real world were as well-represented.
My impression of my friends who are stay at home parents is that whether you are bored or not depends a lot on your personal likes and dislikes - some people find the years from 0-3 to be very boring, others find it fascinating. Some people just enjoy thier children more when they are older. I am often surprised by the number of parents I work with who have thoroughly enjoyable lives with their teenagers, and that say they never see this reflected in the media and feel sad about it - that the majority of images of teenagers are alienated parent-haters.
I also agree with those who defend Stuart - telling Sparrow he’s ready is not the same thing as demanding a child. Sometimes I feel like we put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship because they don’t use “therapuetically correct” language to talk about things.
well if Stuart were my partner and told me “I’m ready to have another baby”, I would be inclined to reply, “Oh yeah? I wasn’t aware you “had” the first one.” I mean it’s her middle aged body. He should at least be respectaful enough to ask how SHE feels about it.
Josiah, I was wondering the same thing! Has Stella been watching “Red Dwarf”??
I think Gloria is being a real bitch. I can imagine she’s getting pretty impatient — but I think she really just wants to get laid at this point. Maybe I’m completely wrong…
And ohhhh crap, Stuart would get a smack from me if I were Sparrow!
@Londonboy: The images of the kilted Scotsmen lowering the British flag in Hong Kong for the last time — when a gust of wind caught their tartan petticoats and whirled them high — are still very much with me. Bare arses, two for two; the sun may never have set on the British Empire, but that day a double moon caught the Chinese eye.
Perhaps military men don’t give a toss about skidmarks.
Okay, instead of trashing Stewart, I’m gonna dump on Sparrow. And Stewart.
As someone mentioned, Sparrow seems somewhat distant/remote with JR. This really comes across to me like this:
Stewart is hyperinvolved with the baby, almost to a pathological level.
Sparrow, who already gets enough of Stewart and his ways (trading the car without consulting her, quitting his job because JR swore, etc.), is simply not willing to fight him about getting time with her own child. Remember Stewart with the glass of milk when Sparrow was pregnant? That kind of passive aggression wears you down fast. And a 40-something pregnant woman isn’t going to start laying down the law with her adult child of a husband.
Add to that, Sparrow has to work because Stewart pretty much unilaterally decided to quit his job. Sparrow’s work, also, might be the only thing she has that doesn’t have Stewart’s overly earnest fingerprints all over it.
Stewart is a very skillful, passive manipulator. I wouldn’t be surprised for a minute if he manages to harass Sparrow into giving him another baby. Perhaps if she stops acting like his mother and giving in to all his whining, she wouldn’t hide at work all the time.
I would love to see the strip where Sparrow finally snaps and tells Stewart to stop living in his fantasy world of kilt-wearing subversion. God, his blog must be the most awful thing in the world to read. Parents, news flash! Only you find your children interesting. When you start providing movies of flash card performances, please be humane enough to provide sterilized razor blades for the audience.
CLARIFICATION: On “And a 40-something pregnant woman isn’t going to start laying down the law with her adult child of a husband.”
I’m not saying 40ish pregnant women can’t be strong, independent, etc. I’m saying that for Sparrow — at least my take on her — the time for sitting her husband down and telling him to institute major corrections to his behaviors, is NOT when she’s knocked up, with her job still waiting, a kid that needs tending, and her body aching and aging.
Confrontation — which is what Stewart needs to have happen if he’s ever going to stop being such a, well, tool — would simply be too much for Sparrow in that condition, unless she’s really, really into masochism.
But then, Alex, nobody *has* to read Stuart’s blog — except maybe Sparrow, and she seems quite able to set her boundaries. If someone wants to blog at vast length about their child’s every burp, they should go for it. The “audience” isn’t captive; in fact, the audience for a blog is quite active and has to decide to type in the URL, then decide to read it and to go on reading. It’s not like being made to watch home movies when you’re at someone’s house for dinner.
mk, “Sometimes I feel like we put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship because they don’t use “therapuetically correct” language to talk about things.” Eh? Both Stuart and Sparrow are epigones of the “therapeutically correct.” Sparrow’s 12-step-program addiction has been a running joke of DTWOF for years (decades?), and Stuart fits with her very well in that department. If anything, *that* would be why I’d put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship if I were going to put it down, but it seems to work for them better than, say, Toni and Clarice’s style did.
I think it’s pretty obvious, given the conventions of narrative, that Alison is setting Stuart up to take a fall. I did find it funny when some readers here were complaining that Stuart was “taking over the strip,” when he only appeared in a couple of panels. It reminded me of men who claim that women are “taking over” when there are two of them in a group of twelve or more men. I don’t think Stuart’s evil, just self-absorbed, but no more so than the rest of the DTWOF gang have been at various times. The venom he’s drawing (”adult child of a husband”? pleez!) seems disproportionate to me.
As for Toni and Gloria, I’d taken for granted that they were making the beast with two backs until I reread some recent strips and saw that they weren’t at that time (the one where they’re shopping together and Gloria says that they might as well be sleeping together since everyone else assumes they are). But I don’t think Toni’s clueless; she’s trying to create distance between them — clumsily, but maybe she’s trying to sort out her own feelings. Since she did lust after Gloria for years, it must be a surprise to find that she’s not all that interested now.
Raffi and Stella. Well, first, “smegmaface” doesn’t imply that Stella knows that Raffi’s uncircumcised. If the term has any real meaning, it implies that Raffi’s been taking someone else’s smegma in the face. But I doubt Stella is being that specific, it’s just a generic kid insult, like “penisbreath” in E.T. AS to whether they could eventually date each other, I don’t know. It’s a cliche that people have a built-in incest taboo toward people they’ve grown up with; but if that were always true, there’d be no need for the *cultural* incest taboo. Why forbid what people don’t want to do anyway? It would please me immensely if those two ended up in bed together, which wouldn’t mean they are fated for each other. Geez, people are so serious!
I’ve run on past the 10-line limit, but I’ll add that I haven’t looked much at the issues around adoption, especially transnational/cultural adoption, but what I have read by Korean-American adoptees has a disturbing amount of racism lurking in it, the assumption that somehow “culture” is biologically programmed into us by “race,” so children are somehow deprived if they aren’t raised in the culture into which they were born. I’ve been reading up on biological determinism again lately — see http://thisislikesogay.blogspot.com/2008/02/wont-get-fooled-again.html if you can stand more — and that’s not an innocent assumption. Peace out.
I think, I hope, I believe that Raffi and Stella are too smart and too practical to end up in ‘Juno’ territory. (shudder) Think how that (or even a scare) would slap Toni, Clarice and Gloria into reality.
1] To paraphrase[*] AB from an earlier thread, I don’t really see Stewart as any more annoying than any of the characters[**]. In this, he’s right in step with with most of the rest of the cast.
2] For my part I’ve always read the Sparrow/Stewart/JR saga as a clever play on the standard sitcom trope:
The self-absorbed dad who is in the hopeless position of catching an endless amount of flak for being remote while (because of?) being completely responsible for the support of the family. And the self-absorbed mom who is in the hopeless position of catching an endless amount of flak for being isolated while (because of?) being completely responsible for maintaining the home and raising the kid(s).
For me the only real twist is a rather brilliantly executed gender twist.
3] And speaking as the one who first broached the subject (at least in this thread) I think it’d be pretty interesting –at least in terms of the storyline– to explore the adoption route.
(Hmmmm… maybe the posters here should chip in, buy a bottle of locally Vermont-made rhubarb wine, and send it to AB with a note that we’re ready to have another baby in the strip…)
[* A word which here means “I can locate the original quote”.]
my take on the characters is that they all have annoying quirks and are pretty self absorbed, but only in the way that most people i know are, and, also like pretty much everyone, are lovable despite, or even because of it.
both toni and clarice have had extramarital fantasies throughout the strip, but they really do seem more to be about feeling trapped by their current relationship than about genuinely wanting to be with other people. this time it’s gone so far that clarice has moved out, but it looks like toni’s realizing that she doesn’t want gloria that much, after all. i wouldn’t be surprised if they found their way back to each other, although hopefully in doing it they could repair some of the problems they were having, or at least truly come to terms with the fact that their relationship isn’t going to be fully satisfying, but that it’s better than being apart. i just feel sorry for gloria - she never seemed happy with ana (what did she see in that woman in the first place??) and i think she genuinely does want to start over with toni.
i think stuart gets on sparrow’s nerves sometimes, and they’re kind of at different places right now, but if they were seriously having problems, sparrow would bring them up. i don’t think stuart’s going to get his wish for a second kid, though.
AB seems to focus a lot on the difficulties of long term relationships, and not depict the good parts that make it worth it, or at least not as often. but i don’t think that means the relationships are actually all negative (save for ginger and samia, they seem pretty happy. and maybe lois and jasmine?) just that we’re seeing the difficult parts of them. or noticing them more? i think it’s easy to see annoying traits in people and wonder how anyone could be in a relationship with them, forgetting that you don’t love someone because they’re perfect.
since i’m delurking i might as well also say something that’s been on my mind reading the strip for the last year or two: we’ve lost the fat/chubby characters (except for stuart, who maybe doesn’t have to be skinny and attractive cause he’s a guy??). and the handicapped one. what’s with that?
Another of my fave cartoonists, Spike, writes about Ben, an adoptee from South Korea, the central character of her webcomic Templar, Arizona. [tout! tout!]
“I don’t disapprove of this, by the way. There are people who want babies they don’t have and people who have babies they don’t want, and I believe those people should meet up as often as possible. There are much, much worse fates out there for a Korean orphan than being adopted by a couple of rich old white people. But I also don’t think the process is composed of fairydust, sunshine, and rainbow jimmie sprinkles.”
Sir Real, since we keep our thermostat around 58 (I do bump it to 60 when the outdoor temps stay below -10 for more than a few days, like they did in January) turning it up to 64 for guests has us all taking off our sweaters and wool socks, esp. if we already have longjohns on underneath. In fact, my SO complains bitterly of the excessive heat when my parents visit.
It really is possible to be comfortable at 64 degrees, I swear.
Re: Toni; although I share almost none of her life circumstances, I do have some sympathy for what looks like a hesitation to make her former fling into a more serious relationship right after truly separating from her long-term S.O. She probably hasn’t thought about it all that consciencely (sp?!?), but if I were in her shoes I’d be sliding away from anyone who I felt was trying to grip me… Even the most sexually deprived of us simetimes want peace and quiet (or at least, just the well-known tribulations of the kid we’re bringing up) more than having to negotiate a new sex life. Bring on the vibrators!
Maybe Lois will open a toy store, like she said she might when Madwimmen closed. She could be a terrific businessperson, with her hard nosed seductiveness. But here’s what enquiring minds want to know: if she does open a toy store, will she sell strap-on antlers? Or is that pretty much a Vermont-only item?
I seem to remember a panel with JR’s 5th birthday party, which I thought would belong into #520, but it doesn’t. Does it mean that Alison was teasing us with a panel from the story at the end of the forthcoming book? When does the new book come out?
I’ve been wondering what had become of Lois. Has she been working at B&N all that time? It would seem that someone of her abilities would have advanced there. Is she a manager (shades of “Ellen” in the ’90’s)?
I hope Raffi & Stella don’t start dating. But should an unplanned teen pregnancy become part of the storyline, it would be refreshing to see someone make the difficult decision to have a safe and legal abortion, recognize that it was the right choice for her, and get on with her life. Supposedly progressive and “edgy” films like “Juno” seem like crypto-anti-choice propaganda to me.
Regarding the sign on Sparrow’s bulletin board at work, for more information about the Hyde Amendment and abortion funding, check out the website of this important national campaign, www.hyde30years.nnaf.org. Thanks for the plug, Alison!
As a huge Lois supporter (she came up as my number one match on the quiz we all took some time ago), I’m pumped to see her back and hear there is more to come.
I also thought “Juno” was pretty much anti-abortion hype. The chance that a teenager can just randomly find a happy middle class/rich couple wanting to take her child so easily is nil. If adoption was such a well executed practice in this country, I would support outlawing abortion for those who are just too caught up in the moment to think about birth control. The problem is that adoption is a mess (legally) and the woman almost always ends up shouldering the entire burden of the child. I’m sure my daughter won’t have any problems with that as I have made it very clear that there will be no boyfriends until she is 36…and we all know teenagers do exactly as their parents wish
I think it’s interesting that everyone seems to assume that if Raffi and Stella have sex, they won’t use contraception. Of course they are Americans, and we Americans (including queers, it appears) don’t believe in teenagers using contraception, because it would encourage them to have sex, which could lead to pregnancy; and of course a teen pregnancy or a scare would be a plot twist, but if I had *my* druthers, I’d rather see them be smart. Alison (I make deep obeisance here) will decide. Her ways are not our ways.
ksbel6, perhaps you were trying to be funny. But contraception, however conscientiously used, does sometimes fail, and abortion — safe, early, legal, and preferably free — had better be available as a backup. (And do I have to mention unpleasant possibilities like rape?) Since you’re tying it to adoption, I’d also point out that a pregnant woman might not *want* to carry an unwanted fetus to term; preganancy is not a minor inconvenience.
It’s parallel to the ‘natural incest taboo’ thing: if contraception were 100% effective and always used, there’d be no need to ‘outlaw’ abortion, because no one would be asking for it anyway.
It’s so hard trying to convince your partner to have another baby when you really want one and they don’t. We “discussed” it for two years (i.e. lots of tears on my part and frustration on their part). Finally we agreed on a second one. I normally don’t back Stuart b/c of his totally arrogant personality but on this one I feel badly for him because I know how much it sucks to be the only one in your relationship that really wants to expand your family! Plus, he would probably be doing most of the post-baby work (gee, I didn’t even convince myself as I wrote that…It never works out that way, plus she’s got the milk factories….I guess I’m just trying desperately to rationalize him asking Sparrow for another baby!!!)!
This discussion is reminding me of all the shame surrounding unwed pregnancy back in the 60s when I was a teenager in an all-girl Catholic high school. Although much of this phenomenon now seems to have disappeared (for instance in the public high school I taught in, so many young women would get pregnant and act like they’d just won an Oscar, whereas in my day, they would have been spirited away and no one would talk about them–still not sure which is worse)…however, I think the abortion debate brings out that last bit of residual shame in others.
I have not seen JUNO, so cannot discuss it. But when “the public” derides women who seek abortions, they project an image of wanton immorality upon them. But no one directed that image upon Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, or any of the myriad of other movie stars who have had babies without marrying their boyfriends first.
Even in the workplace I think a single woman can be pregnant without mass stoning or rotten egging, for the most part.
But let someone wish to get an abortion –especially a young woman who prefers not to be vulnerable to getting the signature of a violent parent, and she immediately is seen as a jezabel.
I once went to a worshop with Starhawk back in the late 80s and she asked everyone to imagine they lived in a world where every mother could depend on her community for shelter, food, and safety. In that mythical place, she suggested, perhaps none of us would need an abortion. Someone else would take care of the baby if we did not choose to, and we would not be forced by adverse circumstances to make an impossible choice.
I remember thinking, it’s not the pregnancy or even the mother-role that is the burden in an “unintended” pregnancy; it’s the survival issues really.
I remember when Lauren Hill came out with her first solo album and I think she dedicated it to her child. I thought how in the hell did she manage (initially as a 16-year old) a hip hop career, doing gigs at night, traveling, recording. Who took care of her kid?
And I realized some of us have mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends who watch our back, and some of us are all alone. It makes a huge, huge, huge difference.
I wasn’t going to enter my 2¢ this time, but changed my mind. Once again, too real to just be a fantasy. But i have suggestions too, which should be ignored, like everyone else’s: I am inspired though. How perfect for “eco-boy” to be wanting to add to population growth. wBut a good parent should, on some level, believe their child is the most perfect being in the world. Certainly better than those who regard them as inconvenient boors that were consequences of careless sexual gratification. And it wsn’t in all fairness made clear whether Stuart is in fact considering adoption. A sibling for cranky, self centered(not that there’s anything wrong with that at her age) JR might be a good thing for her, and a good thing for some kid who needs a family (race be damned, gender too). Hey, Lois seems pretty good with kids, we can really make this interesting! As far as Stella and Raffi go, they already display some healthy sibling like boundries. I bet you could stick them in the same bed and they would sleep rolled away from each other, fully dressed. Just a sense i get that neither would feel comfortable revealing intimate emotions or the vulnerablility of sexual openess. They also have been depicted as having grown up aware that they are in control of their destinies and bodies, so if they did become sexually intimate, an they might decide to keep any resulting pregnancies, and maybe even become right to lifers, or maybe they would give the baby to Stuart to raise. More than likely they would develop interest in each others’ friends. Or….maybe Toni and Clarice will reuinte, pissing Gloria off, and Stella and Raffi will miss the bond they have formed with each other.
Didn’t mean to push the abortion button…I am completely supportive of abortion being legal. I worked in a school district (in a very small town) where over half of each graduating class of girls had either had a baby, or had an abortion. I often have the subject brought up in class (who knows why because I teach math) and I always say you have to have a choice. The 10 year old who is raped by her father should have the same options as the 17 year old who’s contraception fails. I also say it is a very small step from outlawing abortion to outlawying birth control pills. And I’m well aware of the numbers of sexually active teenagers. I live in Missouri and had a complete melt down/fit at school this fall when stupid Matt Blunt signed a law stating we are only allowed to teach abstinence (no more condoms on bananas from a Planned Parenthood specialist). I immediately went to my softball practice and told all of my players that contraception is not only the best preventor of pregnancy, it is also the best preventor of disease. He didn’t say I couldn’t teach that stuff during practice Anyway, I just think the entire situation is very sad and I wish we lived in the perfect world where the child could be born and raised in a healthy, happy home. That was what I meant, yet typed very poorly. Sorry.
And it’s a small step from outlawing abortion to forcing it on women. I feel the larger issue is about those in power controling women’s bodies in whatever way suits their present need and present greed. This is why the term pro-choice makes sense, allowing women to choose when and if they want to have children.
Thanks for the explanation, ksbel6. You are really in the trenches, aren’t you? (Especially in a conservative state like Missouri!) I can sense your frustration with not only the teenagers who don’t use any birth control, but also the adults who fail to teach them not only about birth control but also the advantages of avoiding preg
184 Responses to “DTWOF episode #520”
February 5th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Despite being a longtime lurker, I’m lured by the possibility of being the first to comment. It’s good to see Stewart branching out with the localvore diet.
February 5th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
STUART is ready to have another baby? Good grief, no wonder he got out the wine for Sparrow.
Also, I thought that Gloria and Toni had already been hanging out, or was that only when both kids were present?
February 5th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Toni and Clarice are so painful to watch. Are they doomed to be forever out of sync?
February 5th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Smegmaface? That’s a new one! Oh, where did their innocence go…
February 5th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Everyone must be following the election results. Wow! Toni backpedaling while Clarice is feeling the first signs of spring fever…and will rhubarb wine be able to sway sparrow? Everything must change.
February 5th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Your interpretation of the complexity of relationships are SOOOOOOOOO much more compelling than the insipid, trite, badly written “L” word. Thank you Allison.
February 5th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Luckily, Stuart is not the one with the womb (although you’d never know it to hear him talk.) And since Sparrow works for NARAL, she can no doubt find a good place to get her tubes tied with discretion.
How bout’ them caucuses? Go Obama, go!
February 6th, 2008 at 12:03 am
I still think we’re seeing something happen in the Stuart et al household that doesn’t exactly involve Stuart. Mostly because it seems like Stuart has deinvolved himself. Is he even paying attention? o_O
I sort of like seeing Toni being dubious about Gloria. It never felt like she and Clarice split because of Gloria, really; the Gloria affair was just a symptom.
Sorry, Gloria.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:15 am
I love how Stuart is getting ready to tell Sparrow he wants another baby, while Sparrow is working to fund abortion. Great dichotomy.
I also like the contrast in the 5th panel, where the gay dad and his daughter (from Strip 488) are happily together, while Gloria and Toni are falling apart.
Plus J.R. with a straw up her nose.
I just finished caucusing for Clinton, surrounded by Obama supporters. In addition to be biased against people with kids and those who have to work in the evening, the caucus was crowded, chaotic and confusing. (I live in Colorado.)
The two hundred of us pressed into a classroom tallied votes by raising hands and counting off. This from an “advanced” democracy? (Or maybe those quotes should be around the word democracy…)
February 6th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Been reading for years and years and this is the first time commenting… mostly to just say hi. If I got started about how much the story and the art means to me I could take up half a page. Love it, love the details in both art and story. I have Funhome as well.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Thank you Allison, for the fab strip - and I wish you the best in your new romantic endeavor!
I, for one, have been watching the returns - anxiously. It’s not even the Dems that are worrisome (I would be o.k. with either candidate, though I prefer Obama - and rock on Minnesota for such a large margin!), it’s that McCain doesn’t seem to have that much of a lead, and now people are talking about a McCain/Huckabee ticket! … I wish we could get away from billionaires and crazy Christian fundamentalists and have some old school “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” Republicans back leading the party. At least they wouldn’t be eroding our civil liberties and trying to return us to the dark ages.
I do feel hopeful about the enormous turn out, though. And hopeful that either way, the democratic nominee will be a change from the usual politics.
Back to the strip… Maybe Lois can take Clarice out for some looking around! That would be fun!
Thanks again,
J.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:25 am
The parents think they are shielding their kids from complicated dynamics, but the queerspawn already have it figured out. Classic!
www.FamiliesLikeMine.com
February 6th, 2008 at 12:28 am
New excuse, along with the taxes: “Think of the Kids/Children.”
There’s nothing like that moment when you recognize that, while you’ve been talking up your kids, they’ve been snurrping something up their noses with their straws. That’s some real parenting, there.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:34 am
I wonder if Sparrow will hit Stuart over the head with that bottle of “wine”.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Woo-hoo! Current events resoundingly echoed in the delicious dish. I love this strip! LOVE IT! (Not just this episode, but most beautifully including it.) Like shining from shook foil!
February 6th, 2008 at 1:23 am
For a moment there I was afraid that JR’s Utilikilt-pulling was going to result in a display of Stuart’s baby-making tackle. (Guys who wear Utilikilts follow the Scottish rule of eschewing underwear under kilts, right?)
February 6th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Great as always.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:32 am
If Stuart had a clue he wouldn’t be providing a handy weapon (the wine bottle) to Sparrow when he tells her he’s ready to have another baby! Ha! Alison you’re living proof that liberal social/political cartoonists (AB in particular) are the among the few great (largely unrecognized) literary beacons of our time. As the “war economy” implodes this strip remains one of the few bright spots in an increasingly bleak landscape. Wow that sounds morose. Wait, it’ll get worse.
February 6th, 2008 at 2:05 am
i love that i can’t tell whether raffi and stella love or hate each other. means they’d be perfect siblings.
thanks for another great strip!
February 6th, 2008 at 3:06 am
hiya j.b.t.-
actually, the word on the street is that our idiotic dickhole scumbag of a governor (aka pawlenty) is going to become McCain’s veep candidate. so they can appeal to the no-tax, pro-crumbling infrastructure vote, I guess.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:38 am
Clarice & Lois! One night stand!!!
McCain and Huckabee! *No one* would vote for them!
(although I campaigned for Joe Lieberman with Al Gore, so I guess others might compromise their values too…)
Weirdly I was having fantasies last night of McCain saying in SC “You’re right to have voted for me this time, and you were wrong to trust that lying b**turd last time. Did you see what he did to me? Now he’s doing it to the planet.” Though what that would achieve I don’t know.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:53 am
“Smegmaface” — has Stella started watching Red Dwarf? (Or is there a difference between “smegmaface” and “smeghead”?)
February 6th, 2008 at 3:59 am
Something tells me Stuart will get to have that wine all to himself tonight….
February 6th, 2008 at 4:20 am
Is J.R. doing a waterboarding experiment? Or drinking through her nose?
February 6th, 2008 at 5:57 am
I wish I could vote, it would only be fair because of USA`s world domination.
Tried to convince my ex who is american to vote but he could not afford a train ticket to the capital where the embassy is, lousy excuse but what can you do.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Absolutely fucking marvellous! I love this strip so much.
February 6th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Feel so sorry for Stuart: I thought Sparrow has said she WON’T be home tonight for dinner? and am also afraid she’s going to finally tell him she’s dumping him. I can only empathize with him (must confess that it has happened to me as well to turn a blind eye on significant others’ needs and change).
February 6th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Clarice’s sense of freedom and possibility seems to be in sync with AB’s…
February 6th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Having been a mostly SAHM for 10 years, I really sympathize with Stuart. He had a fun moment with JR that he was proud of (the Chinese flashcards) and Sparrow totally blew him off with her comment. (I don’t have time to check your blog every 20 minutes sweetie). Could she be more patronizing and dismissive?! Its tough being at home with little kids all day. The real world doesn’t care about your struggles and triumphs, that’s for sure. And when your partner doesn’t either, it really is so demoralizing.
February 6th, 2008 at 8:02 am
AB……..as an artist i often find that my creative work experiences peaks and valleys in and out of relationships…..now that I am in a loving and stable relationship…i often think about the drama and anxiety ridden days with former partners which fueled a massive fire storm of dark-toned imagery………sometimes i miss that kind of work..but can do without the drama. How do you work it?
February 6th, 2008 at 9:06 am
“Nether Heights Middle School”… Hee hee hee.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Now that I’ve read Patti’s comment, I’m torn between sympathies for Stuart and Sparrow, whereas right up to that moment I was totally on Sparrow’s side.
I think if she hadn’t followed up her snappish “every twenty minutes” comment with an explanation of what was keeping her so swamped, I’d feel for Stuart. (Plus he just strikes me as the type who has already made a similar phone call four times that day). But by forgetting her big event in the course of his own wants, he’s also being dismissive of her work.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I would LOVE to go check Stuart’s blog for the Chinese flashcards video. Would please anyone explain what they are? and also the Nether Heights Middle School? sorry for asking for “translation”, but I need it.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Why is Daddy a dodohead? The mention of another baby or the Chinese flashcards (why not Korean?)
And Stella’s relegating Raffi to “Harry Potter” status, i.e., the cupboard under the stairs instead of a real room, is very clever. Likewise the comparison of attempts to shove us into another war (with Iran) to the deceits of the Vietnam era. They don’t even try to make it look really different, counting on a combination of memory loss and apathy.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:39 am
hmmmm come to think of it…..I quess I will read about how you balance art and relationships in your next book……..
February 6th, 2008 at 10:41 am
love the idea of clarice regaining her youthful outlook. a fling should be around the corner for her. and no wonder toni is ambivalent about the insipid gloria - the woman is practically see-through. definitely not the gloria that inspired the patti smith song.
but toni and clarice back together? surely not - too trite.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Oh God — Candy’s dandy but local rhubarb wine is quicker? You can drink all the rhubarb wine in Costa Ricker …
February 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Funny-we’re snarking on Jeffy from FC at joshreads.com today-he has a problem with his gross little nose as well.
Eurk!
#520-exceptionally well played, Alison.
Enjoy the time with your new belle! : D
February 6th, 2008 at 11:03 am
I just clicked on the “SNURRP” detail at the top of the page, expecting to see just that (a closeup of the detail) on Flickr, as usual. What a pleasure to be able to view the entire strip at the “original size” (3655 x 4720, which, on my mointor, is rendered larger than I gather AB’s original drawings ctually are).
It’s such a revelation to really pore over the details of each panel. The technical details like the use of crosshatching and the remarkably evocative postures of the tiny silhouetted figures in the background are fascinating; but above all I’m struck by the facial expressions. So much is communicated, with so much nuance, in a few strokes of the pen.
Even if you’re not into analyzing the artwork on hat level, I recommend viewing the full-size version. On my first reading at normal size, I didn’t even catch Clarice’s leer in panel 9, which is actually quite vivid
link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/zizyphus/2245777158/sizes/o/
February 6th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Cynthia-Symp, Utilikilts have a privacy panel that snaps across the crotch area. It reminds me of my parochial school, where we wore gym shorts under our uniform skirts in 7th and 8th grades due to boys with a yen for flipping up the skirts as we walked past.
February 6th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Concerning Sparrow and Stewart’s potential dilemma:
Just wondering: Are there any adopted children in the D2WO4s’ inner network?
February 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Wait wait wait…. what ever happened to Sparrow’s “no booze in the house EVAR!” rule? Was a time, one beer in the door would cause the poor lady to spin out of control!
February 6th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I don’t think rhubarb wine will put Sparrow in the mood….Can you imagine what that would taste like?
February 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Why does Stewart need to tell Sparrow he’s ready? Shouldn’t he just tell her that she has to provide him with another baby? I mean, she is just a portable gestation unit, right?
Oh, wait, the Feminism101 subroutine just kicked in.
Stewart’s a dead man. I wonder where Sparrow will hide the body. Will she go John Wayne Gacy and use the crawlspace, or will she go for the shallow grave off the interstate?
February 6th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
“God, I’m an idiot.”
As soon as you have what you want… well, we know about you not wanting it any more; but how about when it doesn’t want you?
TONI AND GLORIA: THE END OF LIMERANCE.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
LOL @ Iranian speedboats!!
“Daddy is a dodohead”, hehehe… =D
February 6th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Whoa. Upheaval indeed. The kids are going to have an upheaval all right and not the one they expected. I agree with J.R. - Daddy’s a doodoo head. Sparrow’s what? 43 or so? Pregnancy’s no picnic for a younger woman, let alone someone in her 40s who already had to be sent to bed rest. He must think she’s a vending machine.
Lois and Clarice! Yes! Lois is BACK in the saddle again. I was really missing her old self.
February 6th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
> Tried to convince my ex who is american to vote but he could not afford a train ticket to the capital where the embassy is, lousy excuse but what can you do.
Sign him up to Dems Abroad — http://www.democratsabroad.org/. It can be done online!
February 6th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
> Wait wait wait…. what ever happened to Sparrow’s “no booze in the house EVAR!” rule? Was a time, one beer in the door would cause the poor lady to spin out of control!
That’s because at the time she was with June, who was a recovering alcoholic.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I love rhubarb wine! And I get it locally.
Hoodsport winery: http://www.hoodsport.com/wines/ruhbarpg.html
Whidbey Island Winery: http://www.whidbeyislandwinery.com/whites.htm
Speaking of caucuses: ours is this Saturday, and we’re expecting a huge turnout. I’m still voting for Edwards, at least on the first ballot. Depending on the situation in my caucus, I might switch to Hillary. I really don’t like Obama. Tonight us die-hard Edwards supporters are meeting at Snoose Junction Pizzeria for wine (no rhubarb, alas!) and strategy.
Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Will Cuppy: In America everybody’s conscience is unusually free. If it isn’t, we fix it. We’re funny that way.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I love DTWOF.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
the flashcard JR is not paying attention to is pronounced ‘an’ in mandarin chinese and it means safe, calm, quiet or peaceful. I’ll be extra nerdy and say that that character is supposedly written that way because it shows a very rudimentary woman under a little roof. there’s argument about exactly why that’s supposed to be peaceful, but one dictionary I have says ‘the rules of decency required that proper women spent most of their lives sequestered in the home’. Did AB know this or is it another lovely bit of serendiptiy?
February 6th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Um, not Friday night, I gotta do my taxes. Indeed.
Hard to recognize Sparrow sometimes, huh? I wonder how many New Age’rs are now hard-core nonprofit executives verging on workaholism?
I used to despise Stuart, but I kinda get his “I’m ready for another baby” thing. AB’s just flipped the gender roles. Loads of women go through this craving, even into their 40s as their little toddlers get bigger. His meaning comes from being a SAHD and thus, to me, his yearnings are logical. For whatever reason, he doesn’t come across to me as a patriarchal privileged prick. Go figure.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I agree with ready2agitate. Sparrow and Stuart are embodying fairly common roles (albeit with some gender changes) and experiencing the lack of connection that can easily happen between parents of a small child. I know — I’m living it right now. (And if you’d told me 10 years ago that this is where I’d be now, I would have struggled to believe it!) It’s sometimes annoying, it’s sometimes amusing, but if handled well, it can also be just a stage — one chapter of a long, evolving and generally contented relationship between partners.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Stella and Rafi are going to date, right? Reminds me of how I used to flirt with girls’n'boys in middle school, minus chasing after them with bugs I caught.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Maggie Jochild, it’s Mandarin becaue Sparrow is Chinese-American. Why would it be Korean? “Daddy is a dodohead” because JR is 3 (or 4?). Last night my 4 year old screamed so loud I was afraid the neighbors would call the cops “AHHHHHHHH YOU’RE HURTING ME YOU’RE HURTING ME!!!!” because he *imagined* I was getting shampoo in his eyes.
Ok, since someone brought up adoption, I have to interject an impassioned plea.
Alison, I know from this blog that you are a compulsive researcher, so I probably don’t have to tell you this, but if you do bring an adoption into the storyline PLEASE research thoroughly the perspectives of adult adoptees and birthparents. It is wonderful that adoption is so openly accepted and discussed these days compared to just a generation ago. BUT IT SUCKS that that acceptance and conversation pretty much takes place only on the adoptive parents’ terms. I say this as a birthmother, and as a friend and ally to many adult transnational adoptees. Our stories and critiques are rarely heard - they complicate things. Transnational/transracial adoption in particular is intense. We’re talking about a minefield of imperialism, capitalism, militarism, misogyny. I cringe to see so many white queer couples entering into transnational/transracial adoptions without any critical analysis of their power and privilege in the situation or how their kids are going to carry all this. Add the Brangelina trend and…
Ok, said my piece on that.
Don’t intend to start any debates about it here, don’t have the energy for it and there are plenty of resources out there if you care to look, just wanted to make sure it was on the radar.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
xiaojie wrote:
the flashcard JR is not paying attention to is pronounced ‘an’ in mandarin chinese and it means safe, calm, quiet or peaceful.
Thank you. I was wondering what that glyph meant (but I had trouble figuring out a way to google it…)
[…] Did AB know this or is it another lovely bit of serendiptiy?
I think it’s safe to say that –at the very least in regards to the strip– AB knows everything
February 6th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I drive a school bus, & the middle school kids are my favorite ones- Stella & Raffi are so much like the lil doofs I have on that run- is he in 7th or 8th grade? ( I will say 8th ) Have they experienced other people bullying them for having two same sex parents?
February 6th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I forgot my name- JJ FLAP
February 6th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
How do we know that Stewart is going to propose getting the next baby the old fashioned way?
I never thought I’d say that but I also feel a little sorry for the poor chap in this one. Then again I grew up with a workaholic mom who snubbed most attempts we made at connecting too, so I might be biased.
February 6th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I think Mer is right. Sparrow has been clean and sober in the past. She was always going to 12-step meetings (I assumed that was where she met June), and the beer in the house was definitely an issue for her. Nice call on the continuity error! (or is it that she’s off the wagon now?)
In either case, I doubt that the rhubarb wine is going to be enough to convince her to have another kid. She was ambivalent enough about the first one.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I thought we saw Sparrow and Stuart drinking wine in the strip where they ran into June? And going to 12-step meetings with June would be rather Sparrow
February 6th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Ambivalence is sort of a euphemism here surely. Stuart was pretty much begging & weeping for her to keep it, as I recall. And that was after the fait accompli.
Plus, that paint-stripper ain’t gunna do much convincing… Poor Stuart. Poor, poor Sparrow. Their dynamic is so eewww.
Great strip AB.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Hey, Ellen O, you’re right about the caucus being hard on parents (my biceps are sore from holding my 2 year old in the 25 degree weather while we waited to get into the caucus site last night) but we had so many people last this year, the kid thing was actually easier than usual - last time I caucused I had the only baby and it was a real problem.
This time me there were enough kids and parents that we could just leave the kids together and pop in and out watching them. Three of the parents last night became delegates. Except the 11 month old kept making a break for the stairs, so she got held a lot. But there were enough trusted neighbors there that it wasn’t just her mom holding her.
Another thing that was nice was that our caucus was moved to a church, so there was a “crying room” where you could hang with the kids while watching to see if anything was actually happening in the big room. I was anti having it in a church because I know some of our neighbors wouldn’t go, but as a parent it was really nice.
I do feel for Stuart. It’s so hard to get any adult attention when you always have a little one with you, and then there’s that time when they don’t need you so intensely and you think “maybe we should have another one…” I’m glad my partner’s horror stopped that impulse cold - the feeling of loss went away a lot faster than another baby would have.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Well, live and learn. All this time I’ve thought Sparrow was Korean-American. I must have conflated her with Margaret Cho (rather an appealing image, actually).
I went looking through the Cast Characters on the site here, but nobody’s ethnicity or class background is mentioned, dammit.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
re the Chinese heritage: On page 144 of “Dykes and Sundry Other Carbon-Based Life-Forms To Watch Out For” it states that Sparrow’s father met his wife-to-be while he was stationed in Taiwan.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
>>>is there a difference between “smegmaface” and “smeghead”?
I wasn’t sure, but so it would seem:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeg_%28vulgarism%29
February 6th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I don’t feel sorry for Stuart at all; whether he wants to adopt a baby or have one the “old fashioned” way, he’s going to TELL her HE’S ready—not ASK her if she’d like to have another child, or how she feels about it. He hasn’t even considered the posibility that she wouldn’t want to “loan her uterus to him”, or she may not want the additional expense, stress, etc. of another child. It seems Sparrow’s feelings on this subject are pretty insignificant to Stuart.
I wouldn’t be suprised if Sparrow ended up having a little office fling; reconnect with her Sapphic side…
February 6th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I don’t feel like Stuart’s awful, patriarchal, or whatever here. I just feel like he’s totally out of touch with his home-life’s actual reality. He’s seeing what he wants to see.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Another vote for Colin’s theory that the folks dating will soon be Raffi and Stella. Now that’s an inspired turn of events. Love it!
February 6th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Hey it’s Lois! Hi Lois! I’ve missed her as she seems to pop up only for gatherings and holidays nowadays, kind of like Bob and Kim Hughes on “As the World Turns.”
Has AB hit a wall with Lois?
February 6th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Hear hear for bringing the complexity of adoption into the strip. I would love that. Mjoe, would be curious to know if you think the book “The Family of Adoption” does a good job representing multiple perspectives for prospective adoptive parents?
Oh, and can you BELIEVE that AB never came round to relieve us of our querying over the recharge my feret thing?! Has she got a life or something beyond our nutty blogosphere?!
And Shado, sorry to disagree, but I just don’t see telling one’s partner one is ready for something (polyamory, child-rearing, adoption, relocating, getting married, etc.) necessarily meaning that you’re telling them/demanding that it’s time to do it. You’re just declaring your own desire for it. And he knows he needs the rhubarb whatever b/c it will surely make for a long night w/his SO (significant other)!
February 6th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I’m with Ed: The strip needs more Lois. Or maybe it’s just us who need more of her… Whatever the case, it’s always a thrill to see her.
I’m rooting for Toni and Clarice to find their way back to each other, so I was quite excited to see Toni’s exchange with Gloria.
Stuart, meanwhile, is starting to worry me. “I’m ready to have another baby”? Like he’s the one who will actually carry another one for nine months? I can understand that he might want a brother or sister for JR, but he seems to be completely unaware of how Sparrow actually feels. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen that many panels where Sparrow is doing any parenting. She’s coming across as a very cold, uninvolved parent [which doesn’t surprise me, quite frankly, for all her New Age pronouncements, Sparrow has always struck me as singularly un-empathic toward anyone].
February 6th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Everyone is assuming that the wine is to soften up Sparrow. I think he expects to celebrate after his “announcement.”
On the other hand, we’re also assuming that Sparrow will be hostile to the idea. I don’t recall her expressing an opinion on the subject. Maybe she’s been waiting on Stewart.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:29 am
Hi All,
I don’t think Stella and Raffi will ever date - I think there’ve been studies done on kids in the same kibbutzes or communal living / close familial relationships and they turn out more like siblings.
DeLandDeLakes - I thought you moved to Oregon (despite the moniker)! Well. Glad to have you here on the frozen tundra.
Pawlenty??? Great. Maybe bridges will start crumbling in Washington.
Love, J.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:53 am
This is an especially wonderful strip. I love how you tied everything together. I laughed aloud at “sweetie, use your words,” followed by “Daddy is a Dodohead.” It’s also great to see so many characters in one strip, with such substantial glimpses into how everyone’s lives are evolving.
Thank you Alison! What a gift (and what dedication) you have!!
February 7th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Also, I’m not inclined to come down hard on Stuart. He loves being a stay at home dad, and he wants another baby. He’s intensely domestic and I’m quite sure he’d carry the fetus himself if it was biologically possible. He and Sparrow obviously live very different lives right now. But I don’t take that as his being uncaring or assuming he has rights to her uterus, any more than I take Sparrow’s response on the phone as totally dismissive or uncaring. Rather, the strip suggests to me that Sparrow and Stuart are equally out of touch with each other’s lives, and still love each other and fundamentally support each other. I don’t find that dynamic gross, patriarchal, etc, just realistic. Couples go through phases like that, regardless of their gender(s). Some couples come through it, others don’t. Like any great storyteller, Alison leaves things open-ended enough that we get to see what we want to see… just as the characters do.
February 7th, 2008 at 1:34 am
I’m with Public Health Vet on the Stuart/Sparrow dynamic.
J.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Do we know that Sparrow drinks now, or is this just one more example of Stuart not seeing beyond what he wants?
Can’t say that I sympathize with him all that much.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:33 am
Don’t you want to know what Gloria is leaning in to say (angrily, from the silhouette) to Toni in panel #7?
February 7th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Smegmaface? Does Stella know Raffi is uncircumcised?
February 7th, 2008 at 3:25 am
I hope Stella and Raffi are not going to start dating one another. They might end up having an accident and raffi would be a single dad, like some of my male friends have.
Wait,this is what I dreamed about last night..newer mind
February 7th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Yeeaahhh!!! I love more babies.
As long as I’m not having them.
Also- congrats on the dating. I’m sure that we will all deal if you spend more time away from the blog (some of us might even leave our computers and go out in the sunshine).
February 7th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Actually, Sparrow is Taiwanese-American, which is not the same at all if you ask someone from Taiwan. They do speak Mandarin though.
February 7th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I think Stuart and Sparrow really ought to look at adoption. Think of how much fun a social workers home visit would be.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:53 am
If Sparrow agrees to another baby (which I don’t think she will), is Stuart willing to go back to work to support the family? I don’t think he thought about it.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Stuart is a prime example of what happens to many culturally aware and critically engaged adults who choose dedicate themselves entirely to the raising of small children. They get out of practice with the discursive give-and-take of public life and become solipsistically fixated on their values and principles (the very good values and principles that led to making this choice); in short, they become fanatics. This is because they are faced with a terrible paradox: (a) what they have chosen to do is vitally important, and (b) what they have chosen to do is incredibly boring.
Remember, it wasn’t until relatively recently that those responsible for raising children (women) were encouraged to participate in public life, and those few who were privileged enough to do so usually paid less privileged people to care for their children. (This is still the case: day care work and babysitting are neither prestigious nor remunerative labor.)
Stuart is a particularly stark example of this phenomenon because he is male and he shares his household with other adults, but it’s something that happens to a lot of people who leave intellectually engaging work and isolate themselves with small children.
[a disclaimer: I tend to read these characters as being wittily perceptive manifestations of the phenomena of contemporary culture rather than as individuated personalities, though they are that, too.]
February 7th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
On the Stella/Raffi thing, do we even know if Stella is (sexually/romantically) interested in boys? If so, I missed it. It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing we should prejudge, in either direction.
The Raffi/Stella exchange in this episode is kind of weird. I’m not sure how much of that hostility was just joking — I mean, I’m really not sure. Stella’s comeback is clever, but by making it she puts herself in the role of Harry Potter’s obnoxious and ludicrous muggle cousin. Is that significant?
On Sparrow and Stuart, note his response: “Damn, I forgot about that!” In other words, she told him she had a commitment and he made plans anyway — not, he made plans and she found a way to weasel out. It’s the opposite of the Gloria/Toni exchange.
I sometimes wonder about Alison’s insistence that having kids has to conflict with work. Of course, every major commitment conflicts with every other major commitment in the obvious sense that there are only 24 hours in a day. But there have been two kids whose family life has been depicted in the strip. In each case, one parent has taken an exclusively maternal role (Toni didn’t work outside the home for several years) and the other parent has withdrawn almost entirely into work. At least in Clarice’s case that was consistent with her personality prior to the baby, but as others have pointed out it represents a substantial and not clearly motivated change in Sparrow. There’s nothing natural or necessary about that dichotomy and I don’t understand why Alison insists on it. It’s ideologically associated with the sort of people and positions she usually disagrees with.
February 7th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I think Public Health Vet and Scotia raise some very good points.
One of the many wonderful things about the DTWOF strip is how the characters are so well fleshed out and all sides of an issue are there if you want to look for them. I guess that is what makes great fiction, in general. It also makes for lively discussion among us who see completely different things.
When I read this strip it made me wish that my balding guy had not taken so long to decide that he was ready for another baby - by then it was too late for the traditional method, hard as we tried. And, unlike Stuart, he wasn’t offering anything beyond half of the childcare. Regarding the uterus asymmetry in heterosexual couples, I think a little perspective is in order: pregnancy can be a lot of fun and even when it is not, its challenges (like its joys) pale in comparison to those of raising a child.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Alison’s depiction of JR in this strip is so perfect. I think she must have secretly researched the kids at the school where I work. Supposed language geniuses all, but half the time, communication is screeches and name calling…..
Andrew B, I think that Alison is pointing out that relationships are rarely completely egalitarian. Regardless of the gender make-up, it seems rare to find parents who absolutely equally divide time/responsibilities. Also, her characters are very human, and most of us don’t manage idealized lives/relationships.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Ellen O says:
I just finished caucusing for Clinton, surrounded by Obama supporters.
Ellen, I can relate. I caucused for Clinton in a state bordering Colorado. We were surrounded by and blown out of the water by the Obama supporters. Also, did you notice a bimodal age distribution like we did? Most of us Clinton supporters were older, most of the Obama supporters were younger.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I take mild offense at Scotia’s comments above; please, let’s avoid making sweeping, negative generalizations about what stay-at-home parents and parenting are like. (It’s pretty condescending to consider it incredibly boring or un-intellectual, for instance.) There’s enough public animosity between stay-at-home parents and parents who work outside the home as it is (the hideously named “mommy wars”), and much of it ends up being pretty misogynistic.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
IMHO the mommy wars are largely a media construct, like biological clocks. I have never actually witnessed hostility or condescension between parents who worked and those who didn’t. I am/was a SAHM and yes, it can be duller than ditchwater, AND it has moments of being highly rewarding BUT I refuse to ennoble my choice with false romanticism and moral superiority. I don’t know of any parent (except on TV) who does feel superior about working in/out of the home.
Just my $0.02.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
wow I am so sick of talking about stewart all the time!! We went through this last strip!! I bet if you searched, his name would come up more times that anyone elses in the stip….
Toni is really being boring. Taxes vs. sex, hmmmmm. seems a no brainer. She must be hitting menopause. That’s when I basically gave it up.
February 7th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
“Mucusoid mouthbreather” sounds, for some reason, very american. I mean it sounds like american kids speaking. Very fascinating.
Now you know what I think.
Oh, and I think Cynthia and Toni will work out, by the way.
I don’t know why. I just do.
Subconscious desire.
Universal understanding.
I don’t know. I just do.
Almost a poem.
Good strip. Love.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I was a stay at home mother for about 8 years. I also continued to read, listen to public radio, design clothes, network with other vegetarian mothers, play music (although I did morph from “original music” to kids music; just logistics, really). In spite of (or because of ) all this, I found every moment home with children totally interesting and satisfying. Yes, I was busy 20/7 and never slept 8 hrs in a row; yes, I was at the mercy of an almost pavlovian response to my babies crying; did that matter? no.
I remember in the early 80s, I used to read a lot of OP ED pieces in the Washington Post written by former career-gals-turned-stay-at-home-moms. It always seemed to be a lament that on the rare occasion they could go to a cocktail party, having found a baby sitter, some wonder gal on the fast track would ask them that Washingtonian question: “So what do you do?” and the “stay home” answer would stop the conversation flat.
I could never understand that. I have always had a zillion things to talk about and they were NOT about diapers or feeding schedules or pre-school waiting lists… gimme a break!
I really did feel like Margaret Mead on a sabbatical, watching my child recreate all of evolution by learning to speak in a two-year period.
I learned about human relations, peace, communication, and non-violence from doing my stint at the co-op pre-school and having to intervene in sandbox conflicts, which I may add, was probably the best training I ever had for the workplace, because trust me, most adult american men have never really transcended those sandbox territorial wars…(although most of the men on this blog are incredibly evolved compared to men I have worked with over the years. something about art elevating mankind, no doubt.)
Anyway, my oldest daughter, after getting her college degree and earning a living for about 10 years decided to go the stay-at-home mother route. (luckily she lives in a part of the county and has a working husband that both make this possible.) I briefly wondered if she was selling her “career” short, and then recognized I myself had taken the same route.
I think Stuart is not terrible empathetic, but I could say the same of Sparrow. We have never gotten much of a glimpse of their personal, emotional relationship (at least not lately.) So I am reluctant to cast stones.
But I will bet that if Raffi and Stella every “date,” I will also win the lottery, get a mortgage, and fit into a size 2 pair of fashion jeans. Not terrible likely.
And my prediction is that someday little JR will give Janis a run for her money!
February 7th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I meant “terribly” not “terrible.” (Since many of us here are “most terrible particular,” to quote Mrs. Tiggy Winkle.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
)
February 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Another great strip. Raffi and Stella: it would be like incest, as I’m sure they instinctively know.
Cynthia-Symp ( and various others with bizarre ideas ):
No, no, no ! Real Scots always wear underwear under their kilts. This whole idea that there’s nothing worn under the kilt ( … “it’s all in perfect working order”… ) is a myth put about by the English, and continued by people who only wear kilts to weddings and New Year parties. My family are Scots ( though with strong links to London, hence my nick ), and we all wear underwear under our kilts. I wear kilts in one or other of my sept’s tartans pretty regularly, and it would never cross my mind to go commando. Think about it this way: a real kilt is bloody expensive, requires careful hanging, doesn’t wash easily, and costs a fortune to have cleaned properly; would you take the risk of skidmarks ?
February 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Silvio–what you said! I often feel like those years I spent at home were some of the most productive and creative years of my life.
A bit OT, but anyone care to give this a go?:http://www.selectsmart.com/president/2008.html
funny, but in the end, I came up with the same caidate I decided on w/o the quiz…
February 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
un, that’s canidate.
I’m going to try to post that link again; here goes-
http://www.selectsmart.com/president/2008.html
February 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Yay-it worked!
February 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Re Stuart and the Utilikilt, the Cast Biographies on this site state under his name:
Sex Appeal: Goes commando under the UtiliKilt.
And for all you ESL folks who don’t relentlessly watch the TV show friends, “commando” is how the character Joey describes going without underwear.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Shado,
Good site. The three candidates I was most seriously interested in (Obama, Clinton, Edwards) scored in inverse order to the one my conscious brain is leaning toward. And Dennis Kucinich, whom I never seriously considered even though I knew I agreed with everything he stood for…came in at 100%!
I will confess that something I never expected to happen to me is happening. Thirty years ago I probably would be a “Barack Star” too. (In my day it was “Neat and Clean for Gene [McCarthy].”)
Even though logically speaking, Obama says all the right things, and it’s long overdue to make history for African Americans, the truth is, in my gut it is long overdue to make history for women, and I identify more with someone my own age. Yes, I think age more than gender is what is operating for me. (And of course, political stance. I am sure there are more subtle things going on, but I know there is an element of wanting to vote for “my own kind.”) Demographics are more than grist for polls. It really operates in the psyche.
And LondonBoy, I sympathize about the kilt. Back in Catholic girls’ school, our uniform was a pleated plaid skirt that cost 17 cents per pleat to dry clean (in 1967). With 30-something pleats, it was highway robbery even then.
But I have this wonderful book about the history of knitted socks and it has a drawing of some ancient Scot laying out his blanket in folds and lying down on it, then standing up and wrapping in around like a kilt.. (Too complicated for me to put effectively into words.) There was probably a time in the way back when people had not invented underwear yet, and no doubt that is where the “bizarre ideas” spring from.
I bet the kilt looks awesome with the leather jacket.
One of my fondest kilt memories is the time I saw David Byrne of the Talking Heads in Baltimore. He changed costumes more frequently than Stevie Nicks, strangely enough, but the 2nd to last outfit was a kilt with florescent pink threads running through the pattern, worn with an army-olive drab t-shirt and matching knee socks. A vivid memory to this day.
February 7th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Shifting over to the topic of kilts, when I was in grad school, in London, one of my friends was a real, live Scotsman. When every other male singer was putting on their recitals in boring suits and ties, Ross would do his in a black kilt, black dress shirt, black vest (waistcoat) and bright purple tie.
It was awesome.
He agrees with London Boy, btw, about the underwear.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I’ve been following you since the Village Voice was carrying your strip, Alison. Keeping up with this strip is like checking in withthe family for me.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
LondonBoy, I’m ashamed of having fallen for that Sasenach nonsense. The skidmark logic is unassailable!
February 8th, 2008 at 12:51 am
mjoe-
could you talk more about the issues you see with white parents and transracial / transnational parents? It’ll help me understand more if you can use specific examples. I’ve always assumed the issue was a matter of How one raised the children and not If one raised them, but maybe you’re saying there’s no way around the problems you see? Help me understand.
re: rhubarb wine
I suspect it’s simply a symbolic gesture of love and romance. He’d have picked her local flowers if it weren’t winter, but with the same meaning: I adore our family.
Love is subtle and complex,
m
February 8th, 2008 at 12:58 am
I think Korean is one of the Asian groups who actually hasn’t had representation. Sparrow is Chinese (Taiwanese?). June was Filipina (I remember seeing her on a float for Filipina lesbians at a Pride parade, and was amazed; I don’t think I’ve seen any literary character elsewhere identified as such, let alone in a comic strip!). And some years back there was a minor character (Ginger’s student/Lois’s fling) named Yoshiko, who I can only assume from the name was Japanese.
I continue to be hugely impressed by Alison’s commitment to multiculturalism. If only the real world were as well-represented.
February 8th, 2008 at 1:08 am
My impression of my friends who are stay at home parents is that whether you are bored or not depends a lot on your personal likes and dislikes - some people find the years from 0-3 to be very boring, others find it fascinating. Some people just enjoy thier children more when they are older. I am often surprised by the number of parents I work with who have thoroughly enjoyable lives with their teenagers, and that say they never see this reflected in the media and feel sad about it - that the majority of images of teenagers are alienated parent-haters.
I also agree with those who defend Stuart - telling Sparrow he’s ready is not the same thing as demanding a child. Sometimes I feel like we put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship because they don’t use “therapuetically correct” language to talk about things.
February 8th, 2008 at 1:42 am
well if Stuart were my partner and told me “I’m ready to have another baby”, I would be inclined to reply, “Oh yeah? I wasn’t aware you “had” the first one.” I mean it’s her middle aged body. He should at least be respectaful enough to ask how SHE feels about it.
February 8th, 2008 at 1:43 am
sorry–”respectful”. I can spell; just can’t type too well.
February 8th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Josiah, I was wondering the same thing! Has Stella been watching “Red Dwarf”??
I think Gloria is being a real bitch. I can imagine she’s getting pretty impatient — but I think she really just wants to get laid at this point. Maybe I’m completely wrong…
And ohhhh crap, Stuart would get a smack from me if I were Sparrow!
February 8th, 2008 at 4:43 am
@Londonboy: The images of the kilted Scotsmen lowering the British flag in Hong Kong for the last time — when a gust of wind caught their tartan petticoats and whirled them high — are still very much with me. Bare arses, two for two; the sun may never have set on the British Empire, but that day a double moon caught the Chinese eye.
Perhaps military men don’t give a toss about skidmarks.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Okay, instead of trashing Stewart, I’m gonna dump on Sparrow. And Stewart.
As someone mentioned, Sparrow seems somewhat distant/remote with JR. This really comes across to me like this:
Stewart is hyperinvolved with the baby, almost to a pathological level.
Sparrow, who already gets enough of Stewart and his ways (trading the car without consulting her, quitting his job because JR swore, etc.), is simply not willing to fight him about getting time with her own child. Remember Stewart with the glass of milk when Sparrow was pregnant? That kind of passive aggression wears you down fast. And a 40-something pregnant woman isn’t going to start laying down the law with her adult child of a husband.
Add to that, Sparrow has to work because Stewart pretty much unilaterally decided to quit his job. Sparrow’s work, also, might be the only thing she has that doesn’t have Stewart’s overly earnest fingerprints all over it.
Stewart is a very skillful, passive manipulator. I wouldn’t be surprised for a minute if he manages to harass Sparrow into giving him another baby. Perhaps if she stops acting like his mother and giving in to all his whining, she wouldn’t hide at work all the time.
I would love to see the strip where Sparrow finally snaps and tells Stewart to stop living in his fantasy world of kilt-wearing subversion. God, his blog must be the most awful thing in the world to read. Parents, news flash! Only you find your children interesting. When you start providing movies of flash card performances, please be humane enough to provide sterilized razor blades for the audience.
It’s a child, not your entry in a competition.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:29 am
As to Stella’s language…been in many middle schools lately? That’s actually a pretty restrained and intelligent putdown.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:30 am
CLARIFICATION: On “And a 40-something pregnant woman isn’t going to start laying down the law with her adult child of a husband.”
I’m not saying 40ish pregnant women can’t be strong, independent, etc. I’m saying that for Sparrow — at least my take on her — the time for sitting her husband down and telling him to institute major corrections to his behaviors, is NOT when she’s knocked up, with her job still waiting, a kid that needs tending, and her body aching and aging.
Confrontation — which is what Stewart needs to have happen if he’s ever going to stop being such a, well, tool — would simply be too much for Sparrow in that condition, unless she’s really, really into masochism.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I miss Lois too. More Lois coming right up.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:53 am
But then, Alex, nobody *has* to read Stuart’s blog — except maybe Sparrow, and she seems quite able to set her boundaries. If someone wants to blog at vast length about their child’s every burp, they should go for it. The “audience” isn’t captive; in fact, the audience for a blog is quite active and has to decide to type in the URL, then decide to read it and to go on reading. It’s not like being made to watch home movies when you’re at someone’s house for dinner.
mk, “Sometimes I feel like we put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship because they don’t use “therapuetically correct” language to talk about things.” Eh? Both Stuart and Sparrow are epigones of the “therapeutically correct.” Sparrow’s 12-step-program addiction has been a running joke of DTWOF for years (decades?), and Stuart fits with her very well in that department. If anything, *that* would be why I’d put down Stuart and Sparrow’s relationship if I were going to put it down, but it seems to work for them better than, say, Toni and Clarice’s style did.
I think it’s pretty obvious, given the conventions of narrative, that Alison is setting Stuart up to take a fall. I did find it funny when some readers here were complaining that Stuart was “taking over the strip,” when he only appeared in a couple of panels. It reminded me of men who claim that women are “taking over” when there are two of them in a group of twelve or more men. I don’t think Stuart’s evil, just self-absorbed, but no more so than the rest of the DTWOF gang have been at various times. The venom he’s drawing (”adult child of a husband”? pleez!) seems disproportionate to me.
As for Toni and Gloria, I’d taken for granted that they were making the beast with two backs until I reread some recent strips and saw that they weren’t at that time (the one where they’re shopping together and Gloria says that they might as well be sleeping together since everyone else assumes they are). But I don’t think Toni’s clueless; she’s trying to create distance between them — clumsily, but maybe she’s trying to sort out her own feelings. Since she did lust after Gloria for years, it must be a surprise to find that she’s not all that interested now.
Raffi and Stella. Well, first, “smegmaface” doesn’t imply that Stella knows that Raffi’s uncircumcised. If the term has any real meaning, it implies that Raffi’s been taking someone else’s smegma in the face. But I doubt Stella is being that specific, it’s just a generic kid insult, like “penisbreath” in E.T. AS to whether they could eventually date each other, I don’t know. It’s a cliche that people have a built-in incest taboo toward people they’ve grown up with; but if that were always true, there’d be no need for the *cultural* incest taboo. Why forbid what people don’t want to do anyway? It would please me immensely if those two ended up in bed together, which wouldn’t mean they are fated for each other. Geez, people are so serious!
I’ve run on past the 10-line limit, but I’ll add that I haven’t looked much at the issues around adoption, especially transnational/cultural adoption, but what I have read by Korean-American adoptees has a disturbing amount of racism lurking in it, the assumption that somehow “culture” is biologically programmed into us by “race,” so children are somehow deprived if they aren’t raised in the culture into which they were born. I’ve been reading up on biological determinism again lately — see http://thisislikesogay.blogspot.com/2008/02/wont-get-fooled-again.html if you can stand more — and that’s not an innocent assumption. Peace out.
February 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I think, I hope, I believe that Raffi and Stella are too smart and too practical to end up in ‘Juno’ territory. (shudder) Think how that (or even a scare) would slap Toni, Clarice and Gloria into reality.
February 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Just a couple points concerning Stewart/Sparrow:
1] To paraphrase[*] AB from an earlier thread, I don’t really see Stewart as any more annoying than any of the characters[**]. In this, he’s right in step with with most of the rest of the cast.
2] For my part I’ve always read the Sparrow/Stewart/JR saga as a clever play on the standard sitcom trope:
The self-absorbed dad who is in the hopeless position of catching an endless amount of flak for being remote while (because of?) being completely responsible for the support of the family. And the self-absorbed mom who is in the hopeless position of catching an endless amount of flak for being isolated while (because of?) being completely responsible for maintaining the home and raising the kid(s).
For me the only real twist is a rather brilliantly executed gender twist.
3] And speaking as the one who first broached the subject (at least in this thread) I think it’d be pretty interesting –at least in terms of the storyline– to explore the adoption route.
(Hmmmm… maybe the posters here should chip in, buy a bottle of locally Vermont-made rhubarb wine, and send it to AB with a note that we’re ready to have another baby in the strip…)
[* A word which here means “I can locate the original quote”.]
[** Except Harriet. I really miss Harriet.]
February 8th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Sigh… My clever Lemony Snickett allusion blown all to heck…
That should read:
[* A word which here means “I can’t locate the original quote”.]
February 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Why does the dtwof-crew never go to the dentist? That is not fair
February 8th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
eh, even harriet got annoying towards the end.
my take on the characters is that they all have annoying quirks and are pretty self absorbed, but only in the way that most people i know are, and, also like pretty much everyone, are lovable despite, or even because of it.
both toni and clarice have had extramarital fantasies throughout the strip, but they really do seem more to be about feeling trapped by their current relationship than about genuinely wanting to be with other people. this time it’s gone so far that clarice has moved out, but it looks like toni’s realizing that she doesn’t want gloria that much, after all. i wouldn’t be surprised if they found their way back to each other, although hopefully in doing it they could repair some of the problems they were having, or at least truly come to terms with the fact that their relationship isn’t going to be fully satisfying, but that it’s better than being apart. i just feel sorry for gloria - she never seemed happy with ana (what did she see in that woman in the first place??) and i think she genuinely does want to start over with toni.
i think stuart gets on sparrow’s nerves sometimes, and they’re kind of at different places right now, but if they were seriously having problems, sparrow would bring them up. i don’t think stuart’s going to get his wish for a second kid, though.
AB seems to focus a lot on the difficulties of long term relationships, and not depict the good parts that make it worth it, or at least not as often. but i don’t think that means the relationships are actually all negative (save for ginger and samia, they seem pretty happy. and maybe lois and jasmine?) just that we’re seeing the difficult parts of them. or noticing them more? i think it’s easy to see annoying traits in people and wonder how anyone could be in a relationship with them, forgetting that you don’t love someone because they’re perfect.
since i’m delurking i might as well also say something that’s been on my mind reading the strip for the last year or two: we’ve lost the fat/chubby characters (except for stuart, who maybe doesn’t have to be skinny and attractive cause he’s a guy??). and the handicapped one. what’s with that?
February 8th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Another of my fave cartoonists, Spike, writes about Ben, an adoptee from South Korea, the central character of her webcomic Templar, Arizona.
[tout! tout!]
“I don’t disapprove of this, by the way. There are people who want babies they don’t have and people who have babies they don’t want, and I believe those people should meet up as often as possible. There are much, much worse fates out there for a Korean orphan than being adopted by a couple of rich old white people. But I also don’t think the process is composed of fairydust, sunshine, and rainbow jimmie sprinkles.”
February 8th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Hmm, to niggle; the characters aren’t wearing many clothes in the 64 degree thermostat house - is there a `global wierding’ heatwave going on?
February 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Siena-
Discord and drama *do* make for a more interesting and compelling storyline than predictability and harmony
But I get what you mean.
February 8th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Sir Real–maybe they’re all in peri-menopause and having hot flashes.
And to Alison; Hooray to more Lois! I miss her so!
February 8th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Sir Real, since we keep our thermostat around 58 (I do bump it to 60 when the outdoor temps stay below -10 for more than a few days, like they did in January) turning it up to 64 for guests has us all taking off our sweaters and wool socks, esp. if we already have longjohns on underneath. In fact, my SO complains bitterly of the excessive heat when my parents visit.
It really is possible to be comfortable at 64 degrees, I swear.
February 8th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Re: Toni; although I share almost none of her life circumstances, I do have some sympathy for what looks like a hesitation to make her former fling into a more serious relationship right after truly separating from her long-term S.O. She probably hasn’t thought about it all that consciencely (sp?!?), but if I were in her shoes I’d be sliding away from anyone who I felt was trying to grip me… Even the most sexually deprived of us simetimes want peace and quiet (or at least, just the well-known tribulations of the kid we’re bringing up) more than having to negotiate a new sex life. Bring on the vibrators!
February 8th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Maybe Lois will open a toy store, like she said she might when Madwimmen closed. She could be a terrific businessperson, with her hard nosed seductiveness. But here’s what enquiring minds want to know: if she does open a toy store, will she sell strap-on antlers? Or is that pretty much a Vermont-only item?
February 8th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Here in Texas we have strap-on longhorns.
February 8th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I seem to remember a panel with JR’s 5th birthday party, which I thought would belong into #520, but it doesn’t. Does it mean that Alison was teasing us with a panel from the story at the end of the forthcoming book? When does the new book come out?
February 8th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I’ve been wondering what had become of Lois. Has she been working at B&N all that time? It would seem that someone of her abilities would have advanced there. Is she a manager (shades of “Ellen” in the ’90’s)?
I hope Raffi & Stella don’t start dating. But should an unplanned teen pregnancy become part of the storyline, it would be refreshing to see someone make the difficult decision to have a safe and legal abortion, recognize that it was the right choice for her, and get on with her life. Supposedly progressive and “edgy” films like “Juno” seem like crypto-anti-choice propaganda to me.
February 9th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Regarding the sign on Sparrow’s bulletin board at work, for more information about the Hyde Amendment and abortion funding, check out the website of this important national campaign, www.hyde30years.nnaf.org. Thanks for the plug, Alison!
February 9th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I am constantly amazed by kids’ fortitude… I don’t believe Tony has reasons to be worried about them. On the oher hand, Gloria seems to have plenty.
As to Stuart, can’t wait till he tells Sparrow the good news. =)
February 9th, 2008 at 10:32 am
As a huge Lois supporter (she came up as my number one match on the quiz we all took some time ago), I’m pumped to see her back and hear there is more to come.
I also thought “Juno” was pretty much anti-abortion hype. The chance that a teenager can just randomly find a happy middle class/rich couple wanting to take her child so easily is nil. If adoption was such a well executed practice in this country, I would support outlawing abortion for those who are just too caught up in the moment to think about birth control. The problem is that adoption is a mess (legally) and the woman almost always ends up shouldering the entire burden of the child. I’m sure my daughter won’t have any problems with that as I have made it very clear that there will be no boyfriends until she is 36…and we all know teenagers do exactly as their parents wish
February 9th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I would support outlawing abortion for those who are just too caught up in the moment to think about birth control.
WTF?!
February 9th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I think it’s interesting that everyone seems to assume that if Raffi and Stella have sex, they won’t use contraception. Of course they are Americans, and we Americans (including queers, it appears) don’t believe in teenagers using contraception, because it would encourage them to have sex, which could lead to pregnancy; and of course a teen pregnancy or a scare would be a plot twist, but if I had *my* druthers, I’d rather see them be smart. Alison (I make deep obeisance here) will decide. Her ways are not our ways.
ksbel6, perhaps you were trying to be funny. But contraception, however conscientiously used, does sometimes fail, and abortion — safe, early, legal, and preferably free — had better be available as a backup. (And do I have to mention unpleasant possibilities like rape?) Since you’re tying it to adoption, I’d also point out that a pregnant woman might not *want* to carry an unwanted fetus to term; preganancy is not a minor inconvenience.
It’s parallel to the ‘natural incest taboo’ thing: if contraception were 100% effective and always used, there’d be no need to ‘outlaw’ abortion, because no one would be asking for it anyway.
February 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
It’s so hard trying to convince your partner to have another baby when you really want one and they don’t. We “discussed” it for two years (i.e. lots of tears on my part and frustration on their part). Finally we agreed on a second one. I normally don’t back Stuart b/c of his totally arrogant personality but on this one I feel badly for him because I know how much it sucks to be the only one in your relationship that really wants to expand your family! Plus, he would probably be doing most of the post-baby work (gee, I didn’t even convince myself as I wrote that…It never works out that way, plus she’s got the milk factories….I guess I’m just trying desperately to rationalize him asking Sparrow for another baby!!!)!
February 9th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
This discussion is reminding me of all the shame surrounding unwed pregnancy back in the 60s when I was a teenager in an all-girl Catholic high school. Although much of this phenomenon now seems to have disappeared (for instance in the public high school I taught in, so many young women would get pregnant and act like they’d just won an Oscar, whereas in my day, they would have been spirited away and no one would talk about them–still not sure which is worse)…however, I think the abortion debate brings out that last bit of residual shame in others.
I have not seen JUNO, so cannot discuss it. But when “the public” derides women who seek abortions, they project an image of wanton immorality upon them. But no one directed that image upon Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, or any of the myriad of other movie stars who have had babies without marrying their boyfriends first.
Even in the workplace I think a single woman can be pregnant without mass stoning or rotten egging, for the most part.
But let someone wish to get an abortion –especially a young woman who prefers not to be vulnerable to getting the signature of a violent parent, and she immediately is seen as a jezabel.
I once went to a worshop with Starhawk back in the late 80s and she asked everyone to imagine they lived in a world where every mother could depend on her community for shelter, food, and safety. In that mythical place, she suggested, perhaps none of us would need an abortion. Someone else would take care of the baby if we did not choose to, and we would not be forced by adverse circumstances to make an impossible choice.
I remember thinking, it’s not the pregnancy or even the mother-role that is the burden in an “unintended” pregnancy; it’s the survival issues really.
I remember when Lauren Hill came out with her first solo album and I think she dedicated it to her child. I thought how in the hell did she manage (initially as a 16-year old) a hip hop career, doing gigs at night, traveling, recording. Who took care of her kid?
And I realized some of us have mothers, grandmothers, sisters, friends who watch our back, and some of us are all alone. It makes a huge, huge, huge difference.
February 9th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I went to an event last night and someone was wearing a kilt. Hmmmm, I thought, is he or isn’t he? Wow the blog has infected my mind! (kidding : ).
February 10th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I wasn’t going to enter my 2¢ this time, but changed my mind. Once again, too real to just be a fantasy. But i have suggestions too, which should be ignored, like everyone else’s: I am inspired though. How perfect for “eco-boy” to be wanting to add to population growth. wBut a good parent should, on some level, believe their child is the most perfect being in the world. Certainly better than those who regard them as inconvenient boors that were consequences of careless sexual gratification. And it wsn’t in all fairness made clear whether Stuart is in fact considering adoption. A sibling for cranky, self centered(not that there’s anything wrong with that at her age) JR might be a good thing for her, and a good thing for some kid who needs a family (race be damned, gender too). Hey, Lois seems pretty good with kids, we can really make this interesting! As far as Stella and Raffi go, they already display some healthy sibling like boundries. I bet you could stick them in the same bed and they would sleep rolled away from each other, fully dressed. Just a sense i get that neither would feel comfortable revealing intimate emotions or the vulnerablility of sexual openess. They also have been depicted as having grown up aware that they are in control of their destinies and bodies, so if they did become sexually intimate, an they might decide to keep any resulting pregnancies, and maybe even become right to lifers, or maybe they would give the baby to Stuart to raise. More than likely they would develop interest in each others’ friends. Or….maybe Toni and Clarice will reuinte, pissing Gloria off, and Stella and Raffi will miss the bond they have formed with each other.
February 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Didn’t mean to push the abortion button…I am completely supportive of abortion being legal. I worked in a school district (in a very small town) where over half of each graduating class of girls had either had a baby, or had an abortion. I often have the subject brought up in class (who knows why because I teach math) and I always say you have to have a choice. The 10 year old who is raped by her father should have the same options as the 17 year old who’s contraception fails. I also say it is a very small step from outlawing abortion to outlawying birth control pills. And I’m well aware of the numbers of sexually active teenagers. I live in Missouri and had a complete melt down/fit at school this fall when stupid Matt Blunt signed a law stating we are only allowed to teach abstinence (no more condoms on bananas from a Planned Parenthood specialist). I immediately went to my softball practice and told all of my players that contraception is not only the best preventor of pregnancy, it is also the best preventor of disease. He didn’t say I couldn’t teach that stuff during practice
Anyway, I just think the entire situation is very sad and I wish we lived in the perfect world where the child could be born and raised in a healthy, happy home. That was what I meant, yet typed very poorly. Sorry.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:33 am
ksbel6 wrote:
>
And it’s a small step from outlawing abortion to forcing it on women. I feel the larger issue is about those in power controling women’s bodies in whatever way suits their present need and present greed. This is why the term pro-choice makes sense, allowing women to choose when and if they want to have children.
February 10th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Thanks for the explanation, ksbel6. You are really in the trenches, aren’t you? (Especially in a conservative state like Missouri!) I can sense your frustration with not only the teenagers who don’t use any birth control, but also the adults who fail to teach them not only about birth control but also the advantages of avoiding preg