rhyming contest, retroactive

March 12th, 2008 | Oddments

I’m officially declaring Mothra NYC the winner of the “set an episode of DTWOF to flawless Seussian rhyme” contest. Mothra, please contact me at dyke at dykestowatchoutfor dot com for your prize. In case anyone missed it, here’s Mothra’s comment from the Episode 523 thread.

Here’s my entry in the rhymed-and-metered-version stakes. Of course any such effort would ruin the perfect tone of all these characters’ dialogue, and would make it impossible for AB to fit all the words in. But as a card-carrying member of the OCD brigade, I had to give it a shot …

S: Who’s that? It’s so late!
M: Clarice, I just betcher …
S: Bemoaning her fate …
M: She’s become quite a kvetcher.

Then:
St: Sweetie, wake up! We agreed we could talk.
Sp: I’m tired, so tired … Have a baby? I’d balk.
St: Okay, then, let’s see now … we could try adoption.
Sp: Oh, Stuart, you’re grabbing at any old option
’cause J.R.’s got bigger and you’re feeling lost …
Does her independence have too big a cost ?
If you went back to work … C’mere and lie down …
St: Don’t patronize me! I am NOT some big clown!
[WHAP]
Sp: Ow ow, JR, ow ow, my poor head!
Oh when can we wean her right out of this bed?!?!?
{It’s a great night for sleeping. It must be the air … }
Whenever she does, it’s her own damn affair!
C: Oh Mo, oh Mo, have these people been drinking?
They want “walks on the beach”; what could they be thinking?
And “dinners for two” … they’re all lost in confusion!
M: Oh, personal ads are so much mass delusion.
C: My sleep here is weird … this room is the one
Where Ginger and I had, oh, way too much fun
some twenty years back in our secret affair
with Toni away for that funeral, not here …
And now I just feel like a loser.
M: You drinking?
C: Does rhubarb wine make me a boozer?
M: I’m thinking …
Go to sleep.

{Good night.}

49 Responses to “rhyming contest, retroactive”

  1. shadocat says:

    Mothra’s rhyme was awesome! Surely, she deserves a t-shirt or something…

  2. sunicarus says:

    Brilliant, Mothra NYC!

    Congrats. OCD does have its benefits, eh? :o)

    Cheers,
    Sunicarus

  3. April says:

    Awe. Some.
    I’m glad you retroactively made up a competition just for that. Well done indeed.

  4. Nato says:

    Cheers to Mothra NYC! Can a full DTWOF in rhyme be far behind?

  5. Alex says:

    Bloody well done that

  6. Ginjoint says:

    Next up – iambic pentameter!

  7. Dr. Empirical says:

    I’m bummin’ that my own rhyme (not eligible for the contest, since it’s neither Seussian nor about the strip) was only up for a few hours before Episode 523 got bumped off the front page. Oh well, inspiration strikes when it strikes.

    But I won’t let my kvetching interfere with my appreciation for Mothra’s triumph. Congratulations!

  8. Aunt Soozie says:

    I agree with Judybusy, Mothra, you ARE awesome with a side of awesome.
    Dr E.,
    I went back to read your rhyme, was that your hope… subliminal suggestion? It was very sweet, cute!
    I’m on board for writing sonnets next. Would it be the copy for one full episode? that’s alot of action to fit into those couplets.
    Could it be an ode to a character or some characters?

  9. Xena Fan says:

    Perhaps, the next strip should have all the characters speak in haiku poetry….

  10. Alex the Bold says:

    I think Mothra should get a walk-on in an uncoming strip!

  11. Dr. Empirical says:

    Nothing subliminal about it, Auntie, it was a blatant bid for attention.

    And an excuse to use the word “kvetching”!

  12. leighisflying says:

    Plus, “Mothra” is the coolest name! Kudos to you, M.

  13. chriso says:

    Oh my gosh, this is the best! Yay!

  14. April says:

    May I suggest a sestina? We must learn to master the forms.

  15. Minnie says:

    April, are you suggestiing (gasp) a Seussian Sestina?
    Could it be that’s whatchoo meana?
    — minnie LAX

  16. Minnie says:

    I meant to start with Congratulations Mothra NYC — I LOVE IT

  17. Debs says:

    Ginjoint, you asked for iambic pentameter. Here you go:

    We are of such tired stuff as dreams are made
    Rounded with a little sleep and Colgate.

    “How now; who calls? And at this hour so late?”

    “By my troth, Clarice kvetcheth; tis her fate.”

    All heeded lures of a luxurious bed
    In one such, Stuart to his daughter read.

    “My sweet, arise! And ’tis the hour to talk.”

    “To your beseeching, truly must I balk!
    To bear another child, and yet so tired?
    I despise this thought in which thou art mired.”

    “And yet, thou cannot deny adoption
    Presenteth to us but one more option.”

    “Stuart, so lost! Shall work make thee serene?”

    “Patronize me not! –”
    “– A strike! Oh, to wean!”

    “Oh woe! Oh Mo! These varlets; are they mad?
    Epistles do they write, of quiet feasts
    They walketh upon shores, and yet feel glad.
    They are but craven, common-kissing beasts!”

    “Oh good Clarice, that to which you allude
    Is yet but one way we ourselves delude.”

    “‘Tis strange to lie in chamber where ’twere based
    Long-passèd acts with Ginger, not so chaste.”

    “God’s name! A gudgeon, I –”
    ” –Thou drinkest wine?”

    “If rhubarb wine be; yea –”
    “–Sleep; rest thine eyne.”

    Debs
    gofrolic.org

  18. Dr. Empirical says:

    Bonus points to Debs for “kvetcheth”.

  19. Aunt Soozie says:

    Debs, wowzah, you go girl… uhm, woman… uhm… yeah, you go.

  20. Maggie Jochild says:

    Egads! I LOVE a comment that sends me to the dictionary.

    In this instance, for gudgeon. I found it was circular metal fitting used in sailing, or a freshwater fish related to the carp. Nope, that doesn’t fit. Finally, in a slang dictionary: One who is easily duped.

    MOST impressive, Debs. Dibs on Debs, say I.

  21. Debs says:

    I admit, a large part of the motivation for doing it was wanting a chance to say “kvetcheth.”

    That and distraction from a breakup. And obsession with spontaneous iambic pentameter.

    Debs
    gofrolic.org

  22. ‘Strewth, Debs! that’s frickin’ awesome. So’s your site.

    Okay listen, if anyone posts a sestina, I’m retiring.

  23. Debs says:

    Awww! *Blush of appreciation*

    Don’t retire! Think of this all as a giant ode to your work.

    Debs
    gofrolic.org

  24. Ian says:

    “Kvetcheth”. Post of the frickin’ day!

    Would erotic lesbian verse of 10 syllables per line be called sapphic pant-o-meter? (Sorry, I apologise, I just couldn’t resist, I don’t know what came over me).

    Speaking of someone who skipped most of his English classes from age 13 and doesn’t know exactly what iambic pentameter is, though it was explained to me once … Is there some particular poetry-type rule that the Dr Seuss rhymes are written with?

  25. d/f/ says:

    debs that is incredible.

    ian that was hilarious.

    and did i mention, debs, that was incredible?

  26. Ian says:

    d/f/ – thanks. It gets worse you know. An erotic lesbian haiku could be called a dyke-ooh!

    Ok, I’ll stop now before someone shoots me. I blame sleep deprivation myself.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Ah,the wit runneth over here! Seems like we should start our own DTWOF zine,beginning with those two clever creations. Or not. But they should be documented in another form;the collective knowledge and wit on this blog are phenomenal.

    Anyone that makes all these great puns and witticisms is a person after my own heart. I just returned from a collage workshop where my puns(good ones,too) weren’t understood. I had to explain them,which takes all the fun out of it. I did a collage about my humanitarian trips to El Salvador. The facilitator,while a nice woman,is terrified of any possibility of disagreement,so my two mild mentions of politcs were cut off,even though others in the group showed some interest.

    As my niece Emily,who grew up with an extended family of punsters,would say,”puns are a sign of intelligence.”

  28. Cate says:

    debs, your site is amazing — discovery for me of the day 🙂

  29. judybusy says:

    Debs, I’m sure that took hours, but it seemed effortless! How delicious. And Ian, you made me groan with your puns–well done!

  30. Bruce says:

    I AM SIMPLY FLOORED WITH ENVY AND APPRECIATION!!

  31. Debs says:

    Thanks :). For the record, I think Mothra NYC’s in the original Seussian was genius. (As was, of course, the strip; what a great episode! I’m so glad they’re every two weeks again.)

    gofrolic.org

  32. Ginjoint says:

    I am…wowed.

  33. Ginjoint says:

    Plus a beautiful website, plus you like organic tomatoes AND raspberries AND cats. *swoon*

  34. bette says:

    Poets of the world unite!

  35. ready2agitate says:

    Debs, oh my, a break-up, you say?
    Means that you’re available for someone’s essay?
    No question in our minds that whomever try may
    Will be one lucky person day after day.

  36. sunicarus says:

    Debs~
    Your website is deliciously splendiferous! Lovely.

  37. Cate says:

    I have serious website and creativity envy now.

    [pouting]

  38. Silvio Soprani says:

    “Oh Woe! Oh Mo” was my favorite. xxx

  39. NLC says:

    I suppose it’s too late to submit my “Good Night, Mo”….

  40. Ian says:

    Complete website envy of Debs, defo. Mothra’s original a work of genius.

    AB, you have the most talented fans, you do know that? 😉

  41. Debs says:

    Thanks for the website compliments. I appreciate it, since I think only three people read my website usually.

    Ooh, NLC, I’d love to see “Good Night, Mo,” personally. I love a good children’s lit parody. Would Stuart and Sparrow be “Good night guy, and good night bi?”

    gofrolic.org

  42. Dale says:

    Goodnight Sydney, goodnight Mo
    Goodnight mood swings, high and low
    Goodnight Jasmine, Janis, too
    Goodnight Lois, be not so blue
    Goodnight Ginger, and Samia dear
    Goodnight Cynthia with your right-wing fear
    Goodnight Stuart, let Sparrow be
    Jiao Raizel’s enough for thee
    Goodnight Toni, sleep well tonight
    Goodnight Clarice – it’ll be alright
    Goodnight Raffi, sleeping sound
    Goodnight to dykes the world around

  43. Ginjoint says:

    …aaaand Dale steps up to the plate and hits it outta the park! Well done!

  44. Ian says:

    That is amazing Dale. Utterly fantabulous.

  45. Suz says:

    Whoa. So great, all of you.

  46. Dale says:

    *blush* Thank you! I am highly impressed by the other poets here. You awoke my muse (she’s been sleeping on the job, tsk!)

  47. Nickel Joey says:

    @Debs: Simply amazing. Genius.

    @Dale: Awesome. I actually got gooseflesh.

    @Ian: “Pentameter” means that every line has five feet.
    “Iambic” describes the particular stress pattern of the feet; in this case, it’s two syllables, the second one stressed (like the word “tonight”).

    Hell, Wikipedia will explain it better than I: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter

    The Seuss excerpts seem to be anapestic tetrameter, more or less.

  48. Aunt Soozie says:

    Dale,
    Speaking as someone who read Goodnight Moon over and over and over…
    (command performance)
    I really enjoyed your parody!!

  49. Kit says:

    Wait, are Dale and NLC two different people?

    If so, NLC, I want to see your Goodnight Mo too! It sounds like you had one…