turning 50
September 4th, 2012 | Uncategorized
I’m about to turn 52, but 2 years ago this guy Rob Trucks interviewed me for a book he was writing of interviews with people turning 50. The one he did with me just got published on Jezebel. He caught me in the middle of my menopausal insanity phase, which I’m happy to say has more or less passed.
60 Responses to “turning 50”
I’m the first one to respond- what a thrill!
Enjoyed the article, Alison and glad that you chose to chronicle the experiences of menopause. It’s true that people don’t talk about menopause and that there is so little still that’s known about it. Glad that your travails have passed.
Can I just say that image of yours superimposed on top of the comic strips, is one of the best pictures of you ever. You look so dashing.
Now that you are done with your grueling semester at Chicago and the with crazy book-tour, I hope you are taking time to relax and catch your breath.
I wanted to know what is the possibility of you teaching another such comics course at a university in the somewhat recent future. Do you think you might teach/co-teach a course again?
That realisation — only ten years left — should galvanise one. Instead one looks away from its implications…
I envy my cats, because I imagine that they never think “Time must have a stop”.
Fascinating, thanks for the link. And thanks for explaining about the “menopausal insanity phase,” it sounds so different from everything else of yours I’ve read or heard that I would have wondered what was going on.
Also, I was distracted when I first read “I wanted to be a cartoonist or a psychiatrist.” I conflated it to “I wanted to be a cartoon psychiatrist.” Which is a worthy ambition! That bearded figure on the desert island is going to need some serious help when he comes home.
What a great interview. I’m not sure about the 10-15 more years “deadline” concept though. I turned 49 this summer and am experiencing some of the same of what you describe – not ever really feeling 49 but instead “on the brink of 50”, etc.. Though I think I will definitely stop “working” at my academic position at some point in my 60s, I don’t think I will stop doing what flames my passions – and somehow I suspect that cartooning is pretty integral to that for you AB. It may well morph into being “less” of a focussed daily “production” but my guess is you will still have an impact well after any sort of retirement.
Though I get your point – that it’s really kind of strange to be at this point where you’re considered to be at the top of your game and an “expert” and yet not really feeling that different from the “you” 10-20-25? years ago.
Alex K sums it up much more succinctly than I – re envying her cats because they don’t have a time-stop thing in their heads 🙂
You know you might be having a hot flash when… you’re minding your own business, and then suddenly… you’re ON FIRE! 🙁
Happy 52nd!I turn 58 next Tuesday.
Good timing getting a book out not too far out from _The Flame Alphabet_, though I think it’s yesterday (vs. May;) NYMag finally published the dual interview in print. Looking forward to triple-takes in your books; avoiding all symptoms of male-strain rearing-induced menopause; seeing African peoples take your works to heart again as the new ways to skip on colonial hangups. Happy Birthday.
love the article 😀
[from the interview] “So I need to get over some hump and realize that I am a grown-up, I do know a lot, so I just better suck it up and move on.”
I got over that hump sometime in my fifties (I’m now 61), so maybe you will too. But like a lot of humps, since I passed it I’ve been in kind of an “Is that all there is?” mood. Yes, I’m a grown up, I do know a lot, but that and a dollar will get me on the bus. Still, it’s nice to feel that I don’t have anything to prove; and you even more should feel that way. Life is strange.
Off-topic- Am I the only one around here who only found out about Suzanonymous’ “Occupy Comics” when she posted about them at the end of a thread here the other day? They’re well worth a look:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/occupycomicshazam
Menopause. What a concept. What an experience. Not that I would know, officially. I’m turning 52 in October, but can’t keep up the silence of the non-shedding uterus long enough to enter the arena. Mind and body have been acting weird for years, though. This feels me with solidarity. No, wait, it fills me with something that might be called solidarity. Also, for those feeling heated in circumanstances where others do not, did you know that they sell little fans for $9 that you can plug into a computer’s url port for a personal breeze for you or the overheating computer. (Tough when it’s both, but sometimes I need it more than I need the extra keyboard that doesn’t jump to the & when I’m trying to ?
I am well past the post-menopausal phase, and what i want to know is, when do I hit the chilly old lady stage? I am not having hot flashes, but I am always burning up. I am that cute old lady at the opera in the tank top. Do let us know when you hit that one, Alison.
Gee, thanks again Aciluis!
I had a eye-opening hit of grown-up-ness at my job two years ago. I had just joined a second work group and discovered that I was the oldest one there. Older than my supervisor, older than my division manager, and possibly older than the director of the whole department. Many of my coworkers were in their twenties and thirties.
As a quarter-time employee, I feel amusingly (and freeingly) low-ranking, but as a 51-year-old I feel experienced, balanced and occasionally wise.
I also like the enthusiasm of my younger coworkers, their ease with electronics, and their questioning of stale policies.
Hey! Rob Trucks interviewed me too! I’ve been your lurking admirer for some time, I love DTWOF & Fun Home so much, and one of the ways Trucks convinced me to participate was name-dropping you.
I love being post-menopausal. It rocks.
Interesting format for an interview. He omitted any questions or prompts and just gives the answers. It reads like he tricked youinto doing his homework for him, Alison! After all, he didn’t write a word of the article.
I have no useful opinion on the menopause thing. My own thoughts on aging revolve around a major health scare I had three and a half years ago. While on the one hand, I can no longer pretend to be young (I’m 47) and can be fairly certain I’m not going to live to see 80, on the other hand the scare was suficiently serious that I consider the rest of my life to be the Bonus Round. Points Are DOUBLED!
Am I the only person who thinks Jezebel is way, way better than “Celebrity, Sex, and Fashion”? I mean, it’s thanks to Jezebel that I just learned that a new daguerrotype of Emily Dickinson has been discovered — only the second known to exist. Lately Jezebel has been one of my top guilty pleasures. Sometimes I don’t even feel guilty.
Also, they publish stuff like this. I realize it’s at least 35 years out of date by lesbian feminist standards, but hey, better late than never. If you want to wait for something like that to come out in Newsweek or The Atlantic, plan on waiting another 35 years. At least.
Just wanted to leave a quick note. Deep into Are You My Mother and loving it. Thank you for the insight into the relationship between another mother and daughter. It’s quite moving. I’m going to pass it along to my mother. Happy birthday.
@Suzanonymous: You’re welcome! Your comics rock.
I love this article. It reads like a raging water slide through your tumultuous menopausing brain. It’s that time of our lives when we’re doing all of that mundane self assessment and reality absorption. Not so much fun.
Somedays… at least five a month… I wish I was menopausal… but, still can’t get past ONE in that meaningful countdown to twelve. My doctor says that’s a good thing. But I’m starting to feel like the girl at school who got her period before everyone else and ashamedly hid her sanitary devices in the bottom of her purse. It doesn’t help when friends give me their castoffs either… “tampons are so expensive, why waste them? Here you go.”
My father used to say this… and I know he stole it from someone else… and I forget who that was but… “Aging. It’s not for sissies.” (no offense to any self identified sissies)
Menopause. I’ve only another two months to go before it’s official. The “menopausal insanity phase” feels oh-so-familiar… I’m hoping I’ve got it beat.
My doc said i was through with meno and all its difficulties, but extreme stress will bring it back. she didn’t tell me that, but i went through flashing all over.
I was as ignorant before my second puberty as I was before my first. I knew menopause happened, but had no idea what a big deal it can be.
Kate L interepts this blog to bring you the following weather-related bulletin (which I just mistakenly posted in A.B.’s previous post). Let’s hope the advice is not needed today in the NYC area:
The National Weather Service has issued a tornado watch until 11 pm (Saturday, Sept. 8th) for all of New York City. As I tell my Natural Disasters class at Moo U, a tornado watch means conditions are right for a tornado to develop in your area. A tornado warning, on the other hand, means a tornado has been sighted in your area visually or by radar, and you should get away from windows and move to the interior of buildings. Below ground is preferable to above ground. So, hairball, if a tornado warning is issued today for NYC, make sure to take cover or your cubicle may be blown to OZ!
The Wind Took,
The Ground Shook,
My Baby And I Traded One Last Look
There Ain’t No Escaping The Tornado Of Love!
– Rainmakers. Tornado Of Love (1985)
@Kate L (#22)
Thanks for the good wishes, and the nostalgic trip down musical memory lane. I’m not the only one here in NYC, Freyakat and Cybercita also live in Manhattan, not sure who lives in the other four boroughs of NYC.
My weather radios have been beeping and blaring alerts all day, but all the tornado warnings were either east or north of Manhattan. The warnings indicated rotation in the storms, but no real reports yet (I think) of any actual tornadic activity. We did get rain and wind, but not enough to cool things down or get rid of the miserable humidity. My hair is on the HIGH-FRIZZ setting. I look like the engineer Alice from Dilbert cartoons.
I’ve spent enough time in Tornado Alley to have seen tornadoes and their terrible wrath first-hand, so I take the warnings seriously. (N.B for non-USAnians, Tornado Alley is a nickname for the central US Plains States, which often have severe thunderstorm and tornadic weather.) The safest place in my apartment is a section of interior hallway that has no windows, where I store the vacuum cleaner and cleaning supplies. I suppose I should make room for my personal tornado shelter amid the gigundo Costco packages of paper towels and toilet paper.
I wouldn’t mind having my cubicle blow away, it would eliminate the need for me to file all those papers on my desk. I just don’t want it to blow away while I’m sitting in the cube.
(… goes back to searching for her own ruby slippers …)
hairball (#23) Hey, hairball, I forgot that we both were on the University of Oklahoma campus back in the early 80’s! I hung out in the basement of Gould Hall a lot (that’s where my office was).
Happy Almost Birthday, Alison! I sent a small package to your P.O. Box. Have a have a glorious/Gorey-ious year.
Thank you, Ellen!
@Kate L: From today’s DAILY MAIL, courtesy of NASA, with respect to the photographs of Mars recently received (and of a stowaway US one-cent coin) —
Nasa’s staff say the penny is a nod to an age old trick used on earth.
‘When a geologist takes pictures of rock outcrops she is studying, she wants an object of known scale in the photographs,’ said MAHLI Principal Investigator Ken Edgett, of Malin Space Science Systems, San Diego.
‘If it is a whole cliff face, she’ll ask a person to stand in the shot.
‘If it is a view from a meter or so away, she might use a rock hammer.
‘If it is a close-up, as the MAHLI can take, she might pull something small out of her pocket.
‘Like a penny.’
Well, of COURSE you were the geologist I thought of.
Happy 52nd, Alison. And thanks so much for posting the article, even if it is 2 years old. You’re making me think maybe I’m not crazy. —Lisa, running up that hill to 50
Anonymous (#27) Thank you, thank you (blush)! I have a photoshopped photo of Captain Janeway holding up a rock at my Colorado geology field camp back in the mid-70’s. I should get one of those accounts so I can post the photo and link to it here! Hey, all, what is that website where you can post photos for free?
Yes, happy birthday, Alison.
Have a good one, Alison!
Zadie Smith on menopause (from her Granta interview): “I always think of the menopause: what a gift it is to women to have, in their own bodies, this piece of time-keeping which allows them to fully understand, in their bodies, that death is coming. They’re not very good managers of time, men. Men don’t have that – you see so many men heading towards their deaths in utter shock and incomprehension because right until the final moments they thought they were going to be given some kind of reprieve.”
… this field photo from NASA’s new Curiosity Mars rover may not have Captain Janeway photoshopped into it, but it is a really hi rez view looking toward’s 3 mile-high Mount Sharp (which Curiosity is going to try to climb).
32 grrljock: Thanks for that quote. What a wise woman Zadie Smith is. I couldn’t get the Granta link to open but it’s easy enough to find with a well-known search engine.
Here’s a recent BBC radio interview with her, which I THINK you can hear in the US. In fact it’s going to be repeated later on today:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qp6p
Kate L–do you mean Flickr or do you mean Photobucket?
Happy belated birthday, Alison, and best wishes for a wonderful year!
I meant to send this greeting on your actual birthday, but was spaced out after learning bad news about Fox, our wonderful orange tabby (is there any other kind of orange tabby?). The tumor on his pancreas had been stable for nearly a year, but now is spreading. Our vet doesn’t want to put him down yet, but she and her staff fell in love with Fox when he was at their clinic for several week-long stays, and she was crying when she gave us ultrasound results. Of course I don’t want to end his life prematurely, and he’s still eating and purring, but I don’t him to suffer, either, so am trying to figure out how to manage this. Advice is welcome. Here is Fox’s photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/42884683@N03/5794561769/in/set-72157624054048599
Oh, Cathy. I’m so sorry. What a pretty boy. And what a sweet, smart face. Good luck figuring out this difficult decision.
The “Events” page has been updated with events in Burlington, NYC, and the UK. Those who wanted a UK tour are getting their wish, although the “tour” looks kind of London-centric.
Cathy, I wish I had some brilliant and decisive advice. I don’t. I think it was Lois who said, regarding Digger, “She’s not having fun any more.” I find with my cat it’s not hard to see when she’s doing well and when something is wrong, if I’m paying attention. (Fortunately, she has not had any very serious problems. Yet.) Cats don’t have the concept of putting on a stiff upper lip. So the best advice I can offer is to pay attention, and trust your judgment. You’ll see when he’s not having fun any more.
Happy birthday, Alison. I hope that 52 gives you a lot of moments when your hands are moving and your eyes are engaged and your mind suprises you and your work suddenly does that most unleashed, beautiful, utilitarian dance. And also, plenty of ordinary pleasant things and moments with people you like and/or love that shimmy together into the next moment of life.
Fiftieth birthdays were invented as a “now-or-never” nudge. I know, I’m 59 and just gearing up for the True Self phase of my life!
Alison, I had to wonder if the arrow your grandma drew on the photo of you in the pageant (p. 46, Are You My Mother), perhaps triggered the kind of marks you made in your journal e.g. on page 49? Yeah, I’m probably only the 9,999,999 person to have noticed this but just thought I’d pass it along… reading it the second time in two weeks has allowed me to delve in and it’s a very rich read.
Thank you. Twyla
Thanks, Alison and Andrew. “Not having fun any more” is an excellent standard, which I’ll try my best to apply to Fox. He’s still eating, playing, and purring, if not as avidly as before. Yes, I remember well those moving DTWOF panels involving Digger.
Remember the Fun Home musical? It’s opening in NY October 17. According to her website, the star of the show has just released an album of Laura Nyro songs. Can I get a godDAMN?
(Somewhat oddly, her website doesn’t mention Fun Home. I’m assuming she just hasn’t updated it.)
Alison, late happy birthday wishes. I’m not sure what an “unleashed, beautiful, utilitarian dance” (Susan, 39) is, but whatever it is, it sounds wonderful. So here’s wishing you one of those.
Correction to my previous comment. Kuhn, the Fun Home star, doesn’t update her site very often. The “new” album (of Nyro songs) came out in 2007.
Interesting Andrew. I can’t really imagine Fun Home the musical… but I’d like to see it. Alison… did you have any involvement at all in the production or did you just sell the rights? (and happy belated birthday!)
Checked out the link. Looks great… think I’ll go see it. Judy Kuhn looks good for the part of Alison.
[Just to pick a tiny nit here:
“Fun Home”, the musical is scheduled to open (last I heard) “sometime next year”. The link above is for a lab/workshop which will will begin a three week run at the Public Theater starting 17Oct.
Of course, it would be great to see it, even in this form. And of course, it is, technically speaking, a “world premier”. But this is not actually full-blown production. (One notable difference is that this run “will not be open for review”. On the other hand, a major advantage is that tickets will be in the $15 range.)
[HERE] is a link to the page on the Public Theater website. –Mentor]
Thanks for the nitpicking, Mentor!
Yes, this isn’t the actual production, but a workshop. It won’t be reviewed, it’s just to see how the play works in front of an audience. I hope some of you can come! It would be great to hear what you think.
I saw a workshop last winter which was just a staged reading. No sets or costumes or anything. And it was pretty mindblowing. Lisa and Jeanine and Sam have done amazing things with my book. And no, I haven’t really had anything to do with the project, but they’ve kept me in the loop and I really like what they’re doing.
Mentor, thanks for the correction (not nitpicking). I don’t know if the Playbill piece is wrong or if I don’t understand how “premiere”, “debut”, and “opening” are used in the theater world. Probably Playbill assumed everybody would know what the Public Lab is and interpret the notice accordingly. Anyway it makes a lot more sense that this is just a workshop.
Yes…love that $15 ticket price. Definitely want to get there. Going to try to get tickets.
Not that Wikipedia is a great source, but “Cats may paw their human companions, or a soft object on which they may be sitting, with a kneading motion. Cats often use this action alongside purring to show contentment and affection for their companions. This can also indicate curiosity. A cat may also do this when in pain or dying, as a method of comforting itself.”
I understand that there has been some research done on the behavior of animals when they are dying. My little dog, who previously had typically hidden under the couch when resting, suddenly took to jumping up on the couch and watching everyone carefully, as if wanting to remember us all.
It might be worthwhile to check with your vet for good books on this subject so as to be able to identify when the kindest thing is to bring kitty back in.
I always find it life-enhancing when women share their experiences of ageing (as opposed to the constant onslaught of articles, blogs, ads and general foofaraw about how to look younger/slimmer). I’ve yet to reach menopause but I’m in the perimenopausal stage… Wondering if I will be exchanging the more-or-less-monthly madness and random physical phenomena for a more extended period of the same. I did hear a description of hot flushes the other day that grabbed me, though: an older actress, when asked by her co-worker if she was all right, replied: “Don’t worry, dear… I’m just having my own personal summer.”
Thanks as ever, Alison, for your insightful and intelligent sharing of your personal observations. Your work continues to inspire me. Hope you’re managing to get some much-needed R&R after your busy recent times.
Thanks, Anon #50. I’ll look for research and ask the vet. My previous cats had sudden crises that left no doubt about their need for euthanasia. I’ll have to learn more for Fox.
Re: kneading, I saw a sad video of a street cat kneading and nuzzling the body of another cat who had just died beside the wheels of a car (I assume it had been run over). The surviving cat seemed to care a great deal about the deceased cat and would not leave it. I guess that cats purr and knead whenever they want to feel a bond with some other creature, whether they are happy, nursing, distressed, or injured.
Cathy, years ago when Chrissie, my first cat that didn’t belong to my parents was ill with kidney failure, I called Dr. Richard Stokes in BTown VT. Dr. Stokes was her primary care provider, adn I asked him when would I know when is an “appropriate” point to bring her there for the final time. He told me “when there is an absence of a quality of life and discomfoft”, which is all very nebulous in and of itself, but I think you will be intuitive and just know.
It is selfish to prolong an animal’s life simply because you want their presence. It’s a tough time but I feel you’ll make the “right” decision. Best of luck.
(BTW, I named her after Chrissie Hynde)
Sorry, I meant *and* and “discomfort* – sloppy typing!
Calico, 53, excellent name for a cat: “cause I’m, gonna make you see, nobody else here, no one like me. I’m special, so special…”
Great post, Calico, which I agree with and hope I can live up to personally. And I LOVE your cat’s namesake! Cannot top Andrew B’s choice of lyrics.
Ok, hope you find this amusing. My terminally ill cat, Fox, was lying on the living room floor and didn’t come to the kitchen when I called him for dinner. I brought his plate to him, but he had the “thousand yard stare” and didn’t touch his food. I leaned over him and asked if he “wasn’t having fun any more.” He then arose, sped across the room, swatted at a tiny cricket he had been watching (which I couldn’t even see from that distance), and chased it for a while with great glee. So, um, I kind of sucked at guessing Fox’s feelings then.
AH HAH HAHAHAHAAA!
Good one, Fox.
Cathy, you interrupted him while he was hunting and you still have all your fingers? Or at least enough fingers to type a comment? I’d feel lucky if I were you. ;*>
Seriously, though, you were confused for about thirty seconds and then it became obvious what was happening. Trust your judgment.
Thanks, Andrew. I’m so glad Fox doesn’t know he has cancer, so he doesn’t think he’s supposed to just give up on his life. He got quite energized after hunting, so I’m tempted to wrangle some bugs for him to chase. Soon those Asian “ladybugs” will start coming indoors to hibernate in my area. In past years, Fox would eat any that came within reach, then make hilarious faces in response to the terrible taste. I began telling him, “Fox, that kind of bug tasted awful when you ate it yesterday , it tasted awful when you ate it today, it’s going to taste awful when you eat it tomorrow.”