subconscious
January 18th, 2010 | Uncategorized
Thanks to everyone for all the discussion on the last post about Prop 8 and Haiti. I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. I’ve been lost in my own subterranean murk and it’s hard to surface.
I had this dream the other night that I was in a cave full of water. I had a wetsuit on, and I was adjusting my mask because I knew that I had to dive down into the water and swim underneath this big ledge. When I surfaced on the other side, I’d be out under the open sky. Some other people had already successfully done it. But I was really anxious. It was scary to dive down there without really being able to see the way out—I just had to trust that I’d find it. I was having a really hard time psyching myself up. Finally, I got my mask sealed tightly around my face and was about to jump when…I woke up.
I drew you this picture of it. Then I ran upstairs to get my ink wash, to shade the drawing, and on my way back into the office I dropped all five of my jars of watered down ink on the floor.
What could it all mean?
69 Responses to “subconscious”
Not to run when you’re still half asleep and your hands are filled with jars of watered down ink?
The ink on the floor looks like a do-it-yourself Rorschach test.
As for the spelunking dream, my money’s on it being related to your work on the latest book and immersion in your deep psychic/emotional issues and fears. The dream is pretty hopeful, actually. It seems to indicate you can do it (overcome fears, obstacles, whatever).
I think it’s pretty common to wake up at the pivotal moment of a dream, as opposed to getting through the high-adrenaline part and waking up when all is peaceful and resolved.
Dreams can trigger some of the same physiological reactions as the real events (increased heart rate, respiration, blood pressure, etc.), which tend to bring one out of sleep into partial or full wakefulness.
I love watching animals have dreams. I don’t know which animals dream and which don’t, but I’ve seen dogs and cats dream. Their bodies flinch and react, the whiskers wiggle, little motions of paws and tail, sometimes a quiet bark or meow. Then they wake up, look around, figure out they are not wherever the dream took them, and they go back to sleep.
Ho, ho, ho, no wait a minute, Christmas is over, make that ha, ha, ha, all that ink on the floor, definitely a sign, a portend of the age of clumsiness about to descend on mankind. Either that or simply the chance to make up new and silly sayings such as ‘Don’t cry over spilt ink’. I’m not sure why this post reminded me of that nursery rhyme:
If all the world were paper
And all the sea was ink
If all the trees were bread and cheese
What would we have to drink?
I also have no idea when or why I learnt this rhyme or indeed what it means. I’m just in a silly mood and childishly thrilled to see a new post.
Thanks for posting Alison, it’s always so refreshing to read an update on what’s happening in your life. I hope work on the new book is going great.
Let’s see what Jung says…
oh. Apparently dreams about spelunking mean that you are a lesbian. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.
did you really have that dream? it seems so utterly textbook. my analyst would love it!
@deland, LOL!
I too would not be able to psych myself out to make the swim, either. I have a serious claustrophobia, and although I love to swim, I couldn’t do it in a cave like that.
As far as the ink goes, it means you have one jumpin’ mess to clean up. Did it clean up for you? I have black ink to get out of hard wood floors before I move completely out of my house 126 miles away from my new job.
I, too have distressing dreams where I am in situations and all stressed out. It feels like I haven’t slept at all the next morning.
I hope you got some sleep after all that!
Rorschach, hmm? I see Stewie from Family Guy in the bottom left, and Griffy from Zippy the Pinhead in the upper right. Curiously enough, Griffy seems to be wearing his hair in a Ronald Reaganesque updo.
From the looks of the drawing, I’d say it means you’re afraid you’re turning into Charles Addams. Dropping the ink might be way of escaping that fate.
I believe everything in a dream is a part of yourself. So what do you think your subconscious is trying to call attention to? What parts need to be noticed? Great dream!
(it means) Agony. All those messed books, the rest of the mess to clean up, the ink to repurchase. Are the other divers other writers? (Many questions to ask.) Hopefully it doesn’t mean agony to you. I’ve been taking every mishap terribly hard in recent weeks, so it’d be agony if it happened to me.
Rorschach joke – done. Muff diving joke – done, only better than anything I would’ve thought up.
Dammit.
Anyway, I checked a bunch of dream interpretation sites, and they all say pretty much the same thing: diving (I couldn’t get a hit with “spelunking”) into clear water indicates an end of an embarrassment or embarrassing situation. Diving into muddy water? Watch out! You may suffer anxiety from the course of your next actions. Seeing other people diving = emotional balance, or some sites said this means you have pleasant companions around you. (Hey Holly!) And of course several said diving just means you’re exploring your subconscious, duh.
I do see the penis in the ink spill. What’s up with that?
My name is Walter Kovacs and I approve of the metaphor chosen by poster #2.
Your picture is very beautiful.
I don’t know about y’all, but just reading your post, Allison, and seeing your drawing and the spilt ink made me anxious… I guess I’m glomming onto your anxiety. Or need to explore my own deep sub-conscious dreams. Yuk.
Hope you’re doing a bit better with some time, and that the ink spill is all cleaned up. Wishing you much Dreamless Sleep!
Hi friends: Check out democracynow.org 1/18/10 for Amy Goodman’s tribute to Martin Luther King. She included transcripts from his famous speech in April 1967 in New York City and his final speech,exactly a year later,in Memphis,TN. His views on war,capitalism,and poverty are evident in the above. Some people think his politics in those years had become socialist,one of the reasons he was assassinated,and blame the U.S.govt and the Memphis Police Dept.for their complicity.
Of course,he’d also been under FBI surveillance since at least the mid-50s,and had survived a nearly-fatal stabbing in the late 50s by someone he called a “deranged”Black woman.
Numerous sources indicate he knew his days were numbered because of his commitment to standing up for what is just and right.And while the mainstream media liked to focus on him and a few other civil rights leaders,he also knew the hard work many grassroots folks had lived,and sometimes died,for.
“Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked so Barack could run. Barack ran so all our children could fly.”–Kiari Day.
“There are two types of cartoonists,those who have had an ink spill and those who will.”
Quick blog hijack –
friendly reminder to my Massachusetts peeps (that’s you, bean!) and everyone else:
TUESDAY IS ELECTION DAY – GO VOTE FOR MARTHA COAKLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scott brown is an anti-choice, anti-gay-marriage, anti-health care, conservative tea bagger – nuff said).
(wow – I just got hoarse!)
OK – back to dream land.
Speaking of Rorschach, does anyone else see the face in the cave wall? (Left of Alison.) Wild hair, pointy nose, mouth open as if surprised, afraid, or gasping for breath?
I decided to do the Rorschach test and decided that the whole spill was obviously a Squid-head Banshee, with the head alongside the lower bookshelf, the arms flung out, and the trailing, ragged skirt pointing out into the room. What this says about me I have no idea.
I love the spelunking drawing. I wish I was able to draw water like that. Heck, I wish I was able to decode dreams like some of the posters here. Then my dream of ice-skating round an Indian department store being chased by Joanna Lumley might make some kind of sense.
I suppose, in my own pop-psychological way, you’ve been exploring deep in the heart of your own psyche in exploring your love life, so it’s bound to be causing some reaction in your brain.
Wasn’t there a scene similar to this in Harry Potter VI? Looking for a horcrux?
I’m glad you saw it too, Ginjoint. I was getting worried about myself.
Me, I think dreams are just our brains’ way of dealing with day-to-day stuff that gets stuck in the drain of our subconscious.
Wow, weird dreams and spilling stuff…..so far (as of 6:46am) my morning has been identical!
Except that I can’t go and make a fantabulous drawing about my dream. Besides which I’m not sure anyone wants to see the foam/sponge material 3 dimensional, full-range-of-motion bunny that was following me all throughout my dream.
Alison – it may mean to simply trust yourself a little more, trust what your subconscious means to you. The spilling? Maybe just slow down a little bit-you often seem to be in overdrive!
Funny, I had an opposite type dream last night, at least in terms of setting – I was climbing up these huge boulders, trying to keep up with some other climbers around me, and navigating these crazy rocks. There was definitely some fear and self-doubt involved.
Love the ink splat on the floor!
*”Dr.” Calico* : D
#18 – If Joanna were only chasing me…*sigh*
If I had a dream with her, I’d probably stop and say “Champs, Pats?”
And yes, AB’s rendition is quite beautiful.
Here’s Dream Theater live, “Solitary Shell”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBTH9jxf75U
When the picture of the “ink spill” came up my first thought was “That large blob over towards the lower left looks just like Australia rotated through 90 dgs.”
(sigh… I just gotta get a more interesting subconscious…)
lh, 17, yes.
Alison, for one thing it means you’re using a real ink wash rather than creating a wash digitally (as you did in Fun Home, if I remember correctly). For another, it means wash works much better than cross hatching to create an impression of dark rock.
As for a journey out of a cave full of water into the open air… Is anything happening soon that feels like a rebirth? That involves putting on a mask and a false skin? (Like finishing a memoir, he added hopefully?)
And NLC, 24, the world would be a better place if more peoples’ subconscious thoughts were rotational rather than twisted.
My two cents:
Your subconscious wants in. Wants you to let go of some amount of control. Wants to get to play with the ink too, and be allowed to make boo-boos. You can’t stay clean, there must be some kind of creative mess.
I’d like to see the photos of when your cat came by to help you clean it up.
I had an anxiety dream last night and it was horrible. There was no hope like your dream, only a vision of the worst possible outcome.
I’m impressed you thought to take a picture of the ink spill before cursing and swabbing.
And as always, impressed by your extraordinary draughting skills. The stance and the position of the hands recall The Scream, sideways on. But I don’t think Munch’s figure is wearing a wetsuit…
“This is the place.
and I am here, the mermaid whose dark hair
streams black, the merman in his armored body
We circle silently
about the wreck
we dive into the hold.”
Bring us back treasure.
Alex – Works for me!
“First having read the book of myths,
and loaded the camera,
and checked the edge of the knife-blade,
I put on
the body-armor of black rubber
the absurd flippers
the grave and awkward mask.
I am having to do this
not like Cousteau with his
assiduous team
aboard the sun-flooded schooner
but here alone.”
“. . .I have to learn alone
to turn my body without force
in the deep element . . .”
how much i love this community, where quotes are not attributed because we are readers, we know who created these stanzas, where people use the correct spellings of draughting and mettle, where curiosity is not a threat, where kindness can be expected to accompany smarts, where the deadpan humor of “oh.” and spelunking and “sorry to be the one to tell you” will catch us delightedly unaware. thank you all.
“The words are purposes.
The words are maps.
I came to see the damage that was done
and the treasures that prevail.”
#33: Speak for yourself about the quotes Maggie! Sadly, my knowledge of poetry is very limited. Some pointers would be appreciated, spesh from Alex K, whose quote I loved.
But I agree with the rest of your post! Hehehe.
What is the opposite to profound? To describe the practical, pragmatic here and now? Anyway, I made pumpkin soup for the first time today and it was the exact colour of this blog. Sorry to drag you away from the depth of the subconsciousness and the heights of literary endeavour! 😉
Deland(#4) Oh, please, I dream about exploring caves all the time! On an unrelated note, my favorite sandwich is the muffalata. I was introduced to this treat when I lived in New Orleans. Yes, there IS so such a sandwich! http://mamasdeliandcatering.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/muffalata_with_pasta_salad-300×189.jpg
I’m here at the local public library (the only reason I can see the DTWOF blog out here on the prairie…). I was just trying to get the first results from Massachusetts, but can’t find anything! Hey, Ready2Agitate (#16), tell me everything is going to be ok in the election results tonight! I thought reactionary Republicans could only get elected in Kansas!!! I may have to go get me a muffalata to forget my sorrows…
Ian: I think the word you’re thinking of is “banal.”
Kate: Natives usually refer to muffalatas as “muffies.” AND you can get them stuffed!
Muffalata = new name for my vagina
My anxiety dream is that I will drown someplace where I can’t get access to the internet and this blog!
Ian, I apologize for being snotty. The stanzas are all from “Diving Into The Wreck” by Adrienne Rich. Or maybe its’s a lesbian thing.
Muffalata = coffee flavored vulva?
And what about b’anal?
Here in Minneapolis, you can get a vegan muffalatta at Pizza Luce. When you apply our new double entendre, that whole concept suddenly becomes really funny to me.
You can find “Diving Into the Wreck” here. Thank you for introducing me to it, Alex K. Having read it a half dozen times, it makes me think of Fun Home. Most obviously the wreck, but also the face “always staring toward the sun”, the reference to maps, cameras (Alison’s repeated references to old photos), a knife (that she bought because it seemed like the kind of thing a lesbian would have), a book of myths…
And addressing the serious issue that’s been raised, I can’t help thinking of the old Joe Ely song with the refrain, “I just musta notta gotta lotta sleep last night”. It seems like you could work “muffalatta” into that, with many entendres.
I think it means better containers for your ink washes… try wider mouthed pill bottles, available at your local pharmacy?
They don’t spill like those little take out containers you seem to be using.
and it reminds me – bugger it all, I need to get crackin’ on my Valentines if they’re going to happen this year!
It sounds like a very hopeful dream. It’s filled with positive outlooks that you feel you’re coming out of something through your own sheer will. I liked it (and the drawing you made).
I also think that the Rorschach test you made on the floor was just a coincidence. We’re pattern matching animals and we feel better connecting disparate occurrences to explain things.
@Maggie: It isn’t strictly a lesbian thing. I recognized the quotes, and I’m not a lesbian. Then again, considering my Stuart-like dating track record before Mrs Acilius came along… No, definitely not.
B’anal. Jesus Cristo, Jochild. You’ve outdone yourself. Also, a vegan muffalata (muffalatta?) – now that’s some hardcore lesbian culture, there. Delicious and politically correct.
oh no… they won in Mass. I feel super hopeless.
Now what? When do we get some good news?
Sisters (and brothers), I am licking my wounds. A stunning defeat here in Massachusetts. The man is a neanderthal. But – he’s a real candidate! (see Joan Walsh’s commentary below).
http://www.salon.com/news/scott_brown/index.html?story=/opinion/walsh/politics/2010/01/19/scott_brown_real_candidate
SIGH! 🙁 🙁 🙁
the cave is
womb. the dark is
creation. the water is
ink. the ink is
blood. the dive is
birth. the spill is
the splash of
emergence
Thank you for diving into the wreck. Must go pull it off my shelf – and get outside the nasty smell inside of Massachusetts right now….
Ok, now that the conversation has plumbed the depths of… er… whatever, I won’t be quite so embarrassed to post my early observation about the walls of the cave in AB’s sketch. They look sort of like the view from one end of a speculum.
There. Now I’ve said it. I dove right in along with the rest of you. And the water’s fine.
@Kate L (#35)
When I saw the link to Mama’s, I thought it was the po’ boy shop in New Orleans’ Vieux Carré… then I clicked on the link and found it was in Iowa. Iowa. Don’t think there’s much Cajun influence in Iowa (but I could be wrong).
R2A, I wish I was there with you, girlfriend. We could cry into our beer together. I cannot beLIEVE this guy won – for fuck’s sake, what’s with all the hate in this country? So much for a health care plan. {wandering off, angrily muttering to self…}
Okay dear wise ones, help me out:
Yes, it sucks that a republican won in Mass. It sucks not to have a 60 vote supermajority.
That is clear to me. (Even though aren’t there some asshole “democrats” who could vote against the healthcare bill, thereby destroying their own party’s super majority??)
I seem to be missing something, though, because there is still a 59 person majority. If democrats can’t accomplish things (not just health care. Let’s think big picture for a minute) with 59 votes, isn’t there a really big problem??
Isn’t that problem bigger than one republican win?
(yes, I get that Mass. has been “blue” forever, and that the repub’s win is shocking, but I’m wondering about the national side of things)
@Kat: I agree. It’s an especially big problem considering that most of the 59 senators who caucus with the Democrats represent a lot more people than do most of the 41 Republican senators. So the two Democrats from California represent about 37 million people, while the two Republicans from Wyoming represent only about 522,000 people.
Kat, it would be nice if people in office voted according to their consciences instead of along party lines. Alas, it isn’t so.
Having only 59 Democrats in the Senate means that any bill that is introduced by a Democrat will never pass the Senate unless it is for one of the very few things that both parties agree on (like funding the Department of Defense, or the continuing operations of the Congress itself). It requires a vote of 60 people to close debate in the Senate; without that vote, the spectre of the filibuster hovers over every bill. The Republicans don’t even have to vote against the bill — their party leadership merely has to threaten filibuster to keep the bill from even moving forward to the point of taking a vote.
And threats are all that’s needed; no longer is it necessary for Senators to actually engage in speaking for hours and hours. By current practice, once the minority leadership has notified the other party of intent to filibuster, it’s considered as good as done. It has been proposed many times in recent history that this practice be rescinded and to require Senators to actually speak on the floor of the Senate. So far, such calls have led nowhere.
Re Justice Denied In Massachusetts:
I know you get discouraged
Til your faith is about to break
It feels like what we’re trying to do
Is just a big mistake
And I know mistakes can happen
But it’s just as well they do
My mama says I was one
And most likely so are you
Still I wonder what we’ll be like when we’re eighty
Will teenagers laugh at
Old lady blue jeans, old lady combat boots
And at night when we go dancing
Will it be in some tavern
Or like witches in the woods?
(from “Ninety” by Linda Shear)
Lamentably, it is an historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. — from MLK’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” (h/t to Sarah Schulman for posting this on her FB wall)
It’s a rare person who wants to hear what s/he doesn’t want to hear. — Dick Cavett
And an essay from Dr. Michael Lerner at Tikkun Daily, “We Tried To Warn Obama…But He Wouldn’t Listen” — “The defeat of the Democrats choice to succeed Ted Kennedy in the U.S. Senate is being treated as though there is a decided shift of mass opinion to the Right in the U.S. But it is the Obama Administration, not the people who supported him in 2008, which moved to the Right–in the name of being pragmatists or realists– in the process emptying their own agenda in regard to health care, environment, human rights, social and economic justice, and global peace of the critical elements that made those programs sound hopeful, and leaving many of their supporters feeling confused, disillusioned, and unable to rally around the politics that seemed so very far from “the change you can believe in” that we had been promised.” …
We have art, truth, humor, and real human connection on our side. It’s enough, even on days like this.
Kelli, that’s part of what I mean. Things are messed up if the minority party threatens to fillibuster EVERYTHING that they disagree with. How ’bout just voting and not being so damned cowardly??
That, to me, shows a complete lack of understanding and respect for the very structure of our republic…..but then again, the right have been displaying that for some time now….
I am so bitter about this horrifying denouement to health care reform that I’m just about spitting acid. Right now I would like nothing more than to raise Lyndon Baines Johnson’s zombiefied corpse from the grave, so he could hold a private meeting with our Congressional leaders and threaten to fuck Mitch McConnel to death in the Oval Office if they didn’t pass health care reform.
Or kill the filibuster. Whatever’s clever.
I am seriously so sick of all this wasting of time, and of Hopey’s Christ-like posturing. The last time the Democrats truly controlled policy direction in this country, we had an enormous asshole in the White House. I’m really wishing for another one right now.
I hear ya, DelDel. I just got an email from Democracy For America which I’ll just copy in rather than paraphrase:
‘Last night, Democrats lost Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat in a bitter special election. This is already a sad day for all of us who loved Ted Kennedy. But to make it even worse, conservative Democrats and Washington talking heads are claiming that the loss happened because Congress was “too far to the left.”
‘They’re wrong again — and we can prove it.
‘We had Research 2000 poll voters immediately after the Election ended: Even Scott Brown voters want Democrats to be bolder and they want healthcare reform that includes a public option.
‘You read that right. By a margin of three-to-two, former Obama voters who voted for Republican Scott Brown yesterday said the Senate healthcare bill “doesn’t go far enough.” Six-to-one Obama voters who stayed home agreed. And to top it off, 80% of all voters still want the choice of a public option in the bill.
‘The message is clear, there is only one way out of this mess if Democrats want to win in 2010. It’s time to pass healthcare with 51 votes in the Senate using the budget reconciliation process. And it must include the most popular piece of bold reform: the choice of a public option.
‘CALL ON DEMOCRATS TO PASS HEALTHCARE WITH 51 VOTES AND INCLUDE A PUBLIC OPTION
‘Budget reconciliation is a procedure that only requires 51 votes to pass a bill instead of 60 — and with the loss of Kennedy’s seat, it’s the only option Democrats have to improve the bill and pass a public option.’
So, I’m following DFA’s suggestion because it offers concrete action and it doesn’t buy the Right’s ongoing lie that the majority of Americans oppose a public option or that we are a right of center country. (Well, it’s the right’s lie but Rahm and his handpuppet believe it too.) When people are this fed up, they’l head for populism, and if the only strong populist messages out there are being generated by centerfolds and beauty queens who preach woman-hating and white supremacy, it will win elections despite people knowing better.
I made good use of the link, Mags. If only Democrats rolled over half as quickly when the little people crack the whip as they do for the Rethugs.
I feel for my sisters and brothers in Massachusetts, but fear for our own future here after November when Sen. Sam Brownback of C-Street fame becomes (in all likelihood) our new governor. But sometimes sustenance comes from the least likley of sources… I was walking down the street (today)/ being pushed and shoved by people trying to beat the clock* when I looked up and saw a cafe blackboard ad for, you guessed it, MUFFALATTAS!!!! And, that’s what I had for lunch! IT was like old time in New Orleans, when I was a fresh-faced Kansan kid in the Big Easy, being introduced to a brand new world! I felt young again. The green olive paste is the key.
* – What 20th century rock group popularized these (approximate) lyrics?
I would use that link, but unfortunately I live in one of those few states that elected a Republican Senator in 2008 and whose senior Senator is also Republican. So I have no one to call on in my state’s Senate representation.
The senior Senator for my state is actually, when left alone and not forced into following party lines in posturing and bloviating, one of the less obnoxious Republicans. More of an Eisenhower than a Reagan. Unfortunately, in today’s Senate there is no room among Republicans for being reasonable or moderate, and so he is just as bad as the rest of them.
Kate L., I don’t know if anybody really knows — or if anybody really cares. If so, I can’t imagine why; we’ve all got time enough to cry.
Ellen, 48, that was fun. Sydney would like that poem.
@Kate (#61)
Well, I waited for some other old fart to give the answer… Chicago Transit Authority, as the group Chicago was known on their first album. Someone official in Ginjoint’s hometown threatened to sue, so they changed their name to simply Chicago after the first album.
(… goes back to singing … “Does anyone really know what time it is, does anyone really care?”
Ah, Chicago Transit Authority. It was either their third or fourth album that was dedicated to “the Revolution”, which when I think about it these days either seems really opportunistic or optimistic, but either way makes me sad.
@hairball (#65)… I am chopped liver! (See #63.)
😉
@Kelli (#67)
No, you’re not chopped liver. You certainly knew the song and the group, but Kate asked for the *name* of the group. That’s why I waited. I was sure you would realize you hadn’t answered the question and would post again.
BTW, thanks for #55, that was a great explanation of arcane Senate rules about cutting off debate (cloture) with the 60 vote supermajority and the revised rules of fillibuster. I’m with the crowd who wants real fillibuster… get up there and read the phone book into the Congressional Record at 3AM for 40 hours straight if you want to obstruct a bill. At least that takes real work, and there’s always the chance that the other party can find a loophole in the wee hours and wrest control back via a procedural maneuver.
De-clique-ification note: Chopped liver (an acquired taste in my book) is/was a popular appetizer/side dish in Eastern European Jewish cuisine. The expression, “What am I, chopped liver?” means the person is miffed at being ignored or overlooked, i.e. being treated like a side dish and not the main course. For the foodies, chopped liver is basically liver pâté. It’s made with sautéed onions and hard-boiled eggs ground along with the broiled chicken livers (although some folks use raw onions).
in the upper layer i saw a slug(THE BABY SNAIL WITHOUtEN ANY SHELLS TYPE), a unicorm, and an onion dome.
loer lavele, a humanoid wrapped in a large cloak and attackgin a vague shae.
first time since jan 13 i have a my pooter back. still no email or decent keyborad.
and a bronchitis that the doc hinted was almosr pneumonia.