Peace and Justice Store, Burlington VT
July 15th, 2006 | Uncategorized
I had a very pleasant, intime reading in Burington last night at the good old Peace and Justice Store.
Today’s the first day I haven’t had to go anywhere in quite a while. Here I am studiously attacking my staggering backlog of email.
I’m trying to keep doing that and resist being sidetracked by the extremely interesting discussion going on in the last post. But thanks to everyone who’s been contributing to that. Yeah, at my readings, lots of people have been pointing out the way I’ve ended up mirroring many of my dad’s neuroses in the creation of the book. The obsession with detail, the compulsive collecting (he collected antiques, I collect ephemera and documents), the escape into literature. I have to confess, I didn’t really see this clearly until after the book was done. Okay. Back to work.
61 Responses to “Peace and Justice Store, Burlington VT”
I have enjoyed this blog for so many reasons, though I am not a literary expert. Being in touch with other fans of Alison’s work is very refreshing and for me, helps me keep a little more grounded in an insane world.
This is picture is so meta. Hee.
Erm, “this picture is…,” that is.
P.S. Nice OED. I have that one sitting here, too.
I spent my last $125 once to buy it, one snowy December not long before rent was due. I carried it home from the used bookstore through the snow, futiley attempting to protect it from the elements as I traveled by foot. I plopped it down in the middle of the kitchen and waited for my ladyfriend of that time to get home so I could explain to her that, while I might not have rent money, I did now have the world’s greatest dictionary/boat anchor – complete with magnifying glass in its own little cubbyhole.
Who could argue with that?
I got my compact OED in 1979 for free by joining the Quality Paperback Book Club.
How’s this for a meta picture? It’s me and my Wisconsin escort, Ann, looking at my blog when I was in Madison last week.
Well now, how cool is that???
STOP BLOWING MY MIND.
How do you keep your hair so neat on the road? Do you like have a crew of stylists around you? Or do you do it yourself? Or better yet, do you enjoy barber shops and make it a habit of visiting a new chair in each state?
Febreeze does not work.
wait, you have three computers? way to geek out! and how come julia’s not draped across all of them?
I want to add to my DTWOF book collection.
Which covers are the originals of the older books?
Are they the single color, simpler designs that are numbered 1, 2, 3 etc?
Or are they the multi color ones with various designs?
The multi-colored ones are the originals.
Well…I did some research on sexual dysfunction in lesbian relationships…or lesbian bed death…in grad school…no, I don’t mean I did “primary” research, at least not then, but I wrote a paper.
And I’m tempted to just jump into that discussion but…I’m more curious about Carmen’s comment about Febreze… Carmen…did you try febreze as a hair styling product? Or do you mean it doesn’t get the stink outta your clothing? please share more.
My girl, who has that short, cute, lesbo hairstyle… cuts her own hair… with scissors and an electric clipper. She always looks spiffy… and no need to wait for an appointment at the beautee pawlah.
If you’re not having sex with your partner and you wanna… see a couple’s therapist. Make sure that you say, “Hi, we’re not having sex and I wanna have sex…can you help us with that issue?”
You’d be surprised how often I see a couple that has been in couple’s therapy before and not only did they never discuss their sex life or lack thereof but the therapist never even asked about their sexual history! Some of us are such prudes and being a clinician doesn’t change that so…speak up and if you’re not being helped or you don’t feel comfortable, find another therapist.
Lack of sexual intimacy can be a choice or decision that works for some people but it’s not inevitable. And Carmen…don’t know if you are a lesbian or if you have been in a long term relationship but…once a month barely qualifies as lbd. I’ve seen homo and hetero couples who haven’t had sex for years. It ain’t pretty…tho, I have often recommended febreze and it’s done wonders. Better than viagra. (just kidding, don’t try it, really, well, unless your issue is that your partner has stinky clothing)
Yours,
Auntie
Laughin’ my ass off! Good one!
Speaking of the older books, is that Stuart behind Ginger and Clarice in the third panel of Episode 141 (1992), “Mater-nal-in-stinct”? I know that’s a good five years before we officially meet him in Episode 278, but it looks very much like him! I was also wondering if we see a very young Cynthia in panels 1 and 5 of Episode 141, on the opposite side of the picket line (?) – but that may be reading too much into the resemblance.
Now Auntie, why would I use Febreeze in my hair? Does that make any sense? And to answer your question, there is no one that I would rather sleep with than myself. I’m a knock-out. Wait…should I see someone for that, I mean if I get to obsessed..with like choosing not to have sex with other womyn but preferring to have sex with myself? Is that a bad thing, or should more lesbians figure out what they want by shopping at Babeland more that 5 times a week? Hold on.. What was the question again?
I think the reference may’ve been to the bottle positioned on a shelf in the Madison pic. Or, utterly random. As a costumer, I can reccomend a vodka-water solution for removing odor. Seriously! That’s why I keep a bottle of lo-end-vodka handy in the bathroom closet, it’s not for internal use, urgh. I’ve read different reccomendations for proportions – I’ve found a 1:1 ratio in an old febrese(tm)-competitor’s spritzer bottle is efficacious – saturate the area, let evaporate, voila, odor free.
I don’t know about, say, cat effluvium, but this has worked on a pair of non-leather workboots I have which for some reason get to reeking like bitter death.
My Dear Carmen,
Yes, indeed, you should see somebody. Soon.
In fact, I recommend me.
You should see me as soon as possible.
Be certain to bring all of your toys so we can discuss your obsessions in full detail…for the sake of my research and to promote your mental health.
You didn’t say what you DID do with the febreeze so I’m left wanting…curious. (…always holding something back, Ms Sandiego?) Alas, it’s one of my core truths;never show all of your cards, a woman needs a little mystery.
Fondly,
Auntie
Aunie, you are cracking me up!
Auntie…you will never be ready. Trust.
Okay. So a few years back, I took a course at Brooklyn College called Lesbian Theory and Homosexual Behavior. Within the class we discussed many issues, ranging from Transgendered sexuality to homosexuality in small countries in West Africa, like Benin, Togo and so on. The class was very small, and most of the people in the class were gay men and womyn who came out of the closet later on in life. There was a womyn in the class who was married, had three children and then decided one day, or I shouldn’t say decided, came out of the closet and is now living with her partner.
Now you might be saying to your beautiful self, how the hell does this relate to this site?
In regards to Fun Home, and Bechdel’s father, I am trying to understand why…..I don’t know. Help me figure it out.
For a while now, there were many men and womyn within the LGBT community, who never paid any attention to Bechdel’s work. And I am wondering if the rise of the book’s success has to do with a different publisher, or the fact that within our society, it is becoming quite trendy to be gay. Bechdel more than any writer deserves the praise that she is getting and I am in no way, writing this to take away from her work and all that she has said and done for our community. I’m just stating, some of the small things that I see happening on my side of the block. And while I don’t mind all people expressing themselves sexually, I do mind the selling of our culture as a mere occupation or temporary distaction from boredom. And once again, Bechdel is not doing that. Maybe I am wrong. Or it can be, that for the past few years I have been meeting more men and womyn who were staight but are now living there lives within the LGBT community. While there is nothing wrong with that, it just makes me think y’know? And besides I believe that we are all gay until we are not. And that brings me to my original question…I think. Would Bechdels father, if he were alive today, be living as a gay man? I mean no harm. Just some thoughts off the top of my head.
Carmen Sandiego. Out like whore, whose had a rough night.
Febreeze does not work. Thats for you Auntie.
Carmen, that is sort of my story in a way, though I was ALWAYS attracted to women secretyly and had a huge crush on my social studies teacher in high school…..kept that secret for years! I came out (or got the courage to be myself) after a divorce from a man in 1989. I was in my 30’s. My boys were young and when they were in school, being openly attached to a woman was very hard on them. Now…….they think being gay is quite cool and tell all their friends their mom is a lesbian. Alison’s books all helped me with my coming out process and in many ways defined and taught me about myself and my community. I don’t know how many times I read DTWOF and was thrilled to see the characters acting out what I had only fantasized about. I know this has been true for other women who were finally allowed to live their true lives after feeling they were shackled by the mainstream culture to live heterosexual lives due to religion or whatever. I am now 54 and feel my coming out process was just that…..an evolution of not only myself but my community of boomers who allowed themselves to finally be themselves…..not by any presures of society to be hip. I have talked to quite a few women my age and their stories are similar. I have no idea if Alison’s father would be living as an “out” gay man, but wouldn’t it be nice to know our society had evolved healthily enough to allow him to be true to himself without fear of some kind of terror?
LOLOLOL Just finished writing this and a tele-marketer called to try and sell us some vacation property. In a cutsie sing-song voice said her name was Alison and she wanted us to come for a free blah blah blah…..I would put good money on a bet that it wasn’t OUR Alison!
Auntie was a Girl Scout for a long, long time and therefore she’s always prepared.
I’ve wondered if Alison’s dream before her father’s death wasn’t about his death at all, but about coming out. which is something that Alison did that, in its own way, is awe inspiring (like a sunset) . . . and that her father “missed.”
just a thought . . .
Now is that so Auntie? Prove it.
For Deb:
There is nothing wrong with coming out later in life. I am just trying to understand, why more and more people are staying in the closet for so damn long. I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that there are men and womyn who are in heterosexual relationships and they don’t want to be there. I am in no way stating that coming out later in life takes away from the authenticity of your struggle as a homosexual being existing in a pro-heterosexist society, I am just wondering, at what point does one say to himself/herself…that, I will get married to the opposite sex, have children and then investigate imbeded feelings later down the road. Is there like a time frame? Was the marriage or union failing? What was it for you Deb?
Explain this to me as you would explain it to a 6 year old child, because I am not that bright. I mean, when did you know that you no longer wanted to be with your husband? And (for Deb), have you ever considered the feelings of your husband after you decided to separate from him and the family structure that you had already set up? And another question is (sorry for all the questions)…If your marriage was wonderful, but the urge was still there, would you have still been in the closet?
Within Fun Home, I found myself less intrested in Bechdel’s father and more intrested in her mother. I don’t know why, I just can’t imagine having a life built and that being taken apart, no matter how fast or slow the process is. And I understand that being gay and being a parent and being in the closet is one of the hardest things in the world, I just strive to understand at what point does it end? Like at what point did Bechdels father understand that this was not the life, that he imagined living? If I am wrong, please don’t bite my head off. I just wish there was like an interview with Bechdels mom, or a Part 2 to Fun Home, talking about what it was like, for the world to stop in her face..
Out.
Carmen wonders “why more and more people are staying in the closet for so damn long.” I wonder why you think that the numbers are increasing. I have no reliable information and I doubt you do either, but from what I can tell, I would guess that fewer and fewer people are doing so, and that the number will never reach zero. This is partly because we still live in a viciously homophobic society, and partly because it isn’t always obvious to gay people that they *are* gay. Many of us, including me, were powerfully drawn to our own sex all our lives, with no (or virtually no) interest in the other sex. Many others have more heterosexual desire and experience, and to such people, a straight life seems feasible. One of the most pernicious aspects of the “born this way” myth is that it claims that ALL gay people knew from earliest childhood that we were “different.” Compare Alison’s comment in her coming-out story, collected in “Indelible.” But I think she was right the first time.
I notice that in Fun Home, Alison’s early dyke awareness is represented as being based wholly in gender conformity, not in desire for other girls. Some of her other autobiographical writings hint that she did have some such desire, but it doesn’t turn up in Fun Home. Given her fascination with masculine beauty, I think it would have been fatally easy, if she’d been born a generation earlier, for her to mistake that fascination for heterosexual desire. Given her fascination with masculine beauty, I think it would have been fatally easy, if she’d been born a generation earlier, for her to mistake that fascination for heterosexual desire. Which is NOT a putdown of Alison or the book. I only mean to point out that Fun Home is probably not the whole truth of her life. In my queer childhood, gender nonconformity, while present, was much less important than the powerful attraction and fascination I had for other boys. The differences among gay people’s stories are not always evidence of false consciousness; we really are not all alike.
I agree with you that I’d love to hear more of Alison’s mother’s story — but that story is not Alison’s to tell. Nor does it seem likely, from what Alison has said, that her mother will tell that story herself, she’s too private a person. But from Fun Home I don’t gather that “the world” did “stop in her face”, or even that Bruce’s homosexuality was the entire problem. (She lists others to Alison: the rages, the shoplifting, the drinking, the speeding tickets. Not all closeted gay men exhibit such behavior.) It’s not made clear when she figured out that Bruce liked men, but it must have been quite early.
You ask: “at what point did Bechdels father understand that this was not the life, that he imagined living?” I don’t think anyone can answer that question now, but I see no reason to assume that he ever reached such an understanding — unless it was in the last moments of his life. Like many post-Stonewall gay people, you seem to take for granted that the only way for gay people to live is to “come out” into a gay identity, a monosexual mirror image of heterosexuality. That is largely the way I chose, and I’m not putting it down. But it has not been the universally chosen way, even in US culture.
Hmm…
I think it WAS the life that he imagined living…and that was where he was conflicted…ie, he imagined living a heterosexual life but was attracted to men… (as well as women? or rather than women? that part we don’t really know)
There may seem to be more people coming out later because generally, homosexuality is more tolerated than it was fifteen or twenty or thirty years ago. In the past, bisexual people or people who were more on the homosexual side of the continuum but couldn’t tolerate coming out and all that that would mean, might get into straight relationships and stay there…believing there was no real alternative or living a secretive second life.
Now, there may be more impetus to come out because there are more visable resources and points of reference. TOday, you’d be hard pressed to find a gay person who is in a heterosexual marriage who thinks…I’m the only one. and that was a reality for many people not all that long ago, the feelings of isolation.
Still there is much homophobia and social structure that punishes folks who do not conform but…there has been progress. So, I think it’s just that more people find a way to come out, albeit later in life and more people come out more visably than before, but, in terms of numbers, how many homos there are, I doubt that changes much…at least not in terms of tens of years but maybe thousands of years?
and to Duncan, yes, we aren’t all alike are we? I used to say, there are as many different kinds of homosexuals as there are different kinds of people…but, my girl has convinced me that there are only about ten different types of lesbians. You can look at the calendars in the Indelible Alison Bechdel for a number of the subtypes, the social worker is the one that stands out in my mind..gee, I don’t know why. Hmmm…
okay, nuff from me for one day.
oh, and Carmen, what would you like me to provide in the way of evidence?
Take your clothes off and bend over.
“Like many post-Stonewall gay people, you seem to take for granted that the only way for gay people to live is to “come out” into a gay identity, a monosexual mirror image of heterosexuality. That is largely the way I chose, and I’m not putting it down.”
Please explain to me, why would you assume that I am post.
I am intreseted in the sexual expression of homosexual people living all over the world. My comment is directed towards Deb, and her experience leaving a hetero-sexual realtionship, for her current mate. I have been always intrested in the coming-out stories, of whoever decides to do it. I am just trying to understand what Deb went through and how we can relate that to what Bechdel’s mother might have went through when her husband was alive.
And if Stonewall was not an expression for gay men and womyn to be to finally be seen, and to be accepted in society and given the same privilages and respect as hetero-sexual couples, in every single arena of their lives….explain then, Stonewall and the underlining reason for the rebellion.
I’m Sorry Auntie. I mean, come here, take your clothes off and bend over.
I will write more tonight about my experience as I am at work right now. I can say that when I first read the book, it was more like a surface read and I had only surface impressions. I reread the book last night, deeply, and I was profoundly disturbed in some areas and ached with pain for Alison’s father.
OK….home now. Let’s see. I want to clarify something right away. I did not leave my marriage because I wanted to live a lesbian lifestyle. I ended the marriage for totally different reasons, non of which, at the time, had anything to do with my sexual orientation. Believe it or not, at the time of my divorce, I was still very much in denial about my true self. All the signs were there for a long time, but I was so terrified of being “that way” (my parents words)that I didn’t take notice of them or put the pieces together to form a picture for about 4 years later. I was raised in the 50’s where there was nothing “out” at all. I didn’t even hear the word ‘lesbian’ until I was in high school (60’s)and I told a friend I thought my high school social studies teacher was cute.
Carmen, your questions are deep and could be answered with many layers of experience/beliefs/teaching ect. I will do my best to answer them briefly but as thouroughly as I can.
After my divorce I went through an incredible awakening process that moved me to a place from truly believing that my marriage/life should be just like “Leave It To Beaver”, to where I became a strong & vocal feminist, started a non-profit agency that was a women’s center for batered/sexually abused women/children, gave workshops and trainings for police/hospitals/judges/teachers/dentists/social workers etc. on domestic violence victim dynamics around the state of Oregon, went back to school and got another degree in drugs & alcohol rehab therapy, raised two sons to be independent and caring young men, am a Reiki Master/Teacher and above all, am a caring and loving lesbian woman who is content with her life. There is no better word than “evolution” that brought be from there to here.
Yes, I have talked to my X husband about all this and he and I have come to amiable terms with the people we have become.
I don’t think I would have been able to stay in the closet. The pull to be my real self was too strong and I felt and still feel strongly, I could/can be the best parent (now grandparent) and person by being true to myself and not living a lie. I didn’t meet my partner until 11 years ago. My divorce was in 1989.
I hope all this helps.
Thanks for the clarification Carmen.
I was compliant with your initial request but wondered how you’d know. So, where in the world are you?
Hey everyone, there is a post from a sister in Palestine/Gaza. She is commenting on the horror in the middle east. She posted in “Overload”. Can we please give her some support?
Thank you so much Deb for answering all of my questions!! After reading your post I understand that your marriage ended for many different reasons, and while I understand that factor has been difficult for you, it just would be cool for me to hear what your husband thinks of your lifestyle now after its all said and done. I have always wanted to hear the stories of the background characters, the people who are there and important, but not the reason why we are intrested in the first place. You can answer that question whenever. Wait. Are you getting laid yet?
*Mailing Support to Palestian Sister*.
Auntie Soozie, now you know better. I’m Caremn Sandiego…you have to figure out where I am. Would you like clues?
Here Goes:
A. This country has 16 different agroclimatic zones and rank it as one of the top 12 biologically diverse countries in the world.
B. This monarchy maintained its freedom from colonial rule with the exception of the 1936-41 Italian occupation during World War II.
C. Coffee is critical to this countries economy and generated a total of $156 million in 2002.
Where am I ?
Gosh. Isn’t it sad that the Goodridges have separated? I know that I shouldn’t be making a big deal because heterosexual couples separate all the time. But I just wished they could have worked it out for the sake of their daughter.
Ethiopia?
is it still a monarchy?
yes, carmen, you used to be more difficult to track down but now it’s all at my fingertips…
you could be too…were you on another continent.
can you find me Carmen?
the clues are already here. and have been…since my first post…and in each that followed.
and thus we entertain ourselves while Alison takes some respite or lovingly and meticulously responds to zillions of emails… Alison, don’t leave us unattended too long, I fear the outcome…
Auntie
Well, the X husband is a right-wing, conservative Bush lover. Does that give you any clues as to why I may have left him? Also, he feels strongly that I am going to burn in hell for being a “lezbeeeun”, but says he is happy for me that I am happy with being me. We have very little contact with each other. He told me he is afraid of me…..because now that I am no longer a doormat, he said he knows I am smarter than him and could probably fillet his ass! Damn Right!
Wow! Deb was your husband always like that? I mean there is nothing wrong with him, he just believes in what he believes in. Its good that he is happy for you at least, I mean its good that he is not trying to make your life a living hell.
Well Auntie Soozie I fear the outcome as well, I should be studying rat livers, and my dissected cat speciman…but I find myself reading porn and waiting for comics from Bechdel.
So I am on the move again, and if you figure out where I am now, I’ll come get you myself. This should be an easy one.
A. The Prime Minister of this country was a post office clerk in 1959, and later became the first legally elected prime minister to ever exist in the region. He would be investigated by the CIA and later beaten and assasinated due to controversial circumstances in January 1961.
Who is the Prime Minister Soozie?
B. One of the zones that this country was divided in was the Free Trade Zone whiched opened itself to entrepreneurs of any European nation. Some of the natural resources taken from this country were ivory, chocolate, and rubber. Today poor citizens of this country, work to excavate chocolate so that it can be brought, packaged and sold to yours truly, The Hersheys and MARS corporation.
Where am I?
Why is it Aunt Soozie? Do you have like 90 cats or something? I need to give you another name, because the Aunt thing is just fucking with my head….thinking….
Fuck it. Aunt Soozie it is.
My Dear Carmen,
You are in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and the assinated Prime Minister was Patrice Lumumba…
c’mon now…I’m waiting…find me.
oh, the Auntie thing…I’m a beloved Auntie and Mommy, what can I tell you…?
I think it’s sexy.
Don’t you?
Oh, and I only have ONE cat. Just ONE.
It is sexy. How many kids do you have?
Great job. You get one point from the ACME Crime Studio. Now in order for me to find you, I need clues. So come with it.
Yeah I’ll bet my ass that you have more than one cat. Have you ever visited Kris Dresen website? The link is on this blog on the Women and Children First, Chicago entry. Her work is amazing…
I swear, just ONE cat…and one kid.
I haven’t gone to Kris’ site but I’ll check it out.
Okay…well, it’s SO obvious that I hate to give you any more clues…but, since I’m so sweet and kind…I’m Auntie afterall…here goes…
1. Alison knows where find me but she’s not one to give away any family secrets…or is she?
2. Say you met a woman in a bar and she gave you her first and last name and asked you out on a date and you said yes but then you got alittle worried that you acted so impulsively and you wanted to find out more about her…snoop a bit, before the big date…what would you do? How would you find out more about her?
and you Ms. Sandiego, I thought maybe you were a commodities trader when you mentioned the chocolate thing…and hanging out in Africa. I did have a client once who was a cocoa broker.
But, cocoa brokers don’t usually dissect cats or examine rat livers…unless you’re a product tester for Hersheys/Mars… testing to see what’s gonna happen to us when we eat enough of those little foil wrapped kisses.
Maybe you’re in medical school in the US somewhere and just making me chase you all over the African continent for some kinda cheap sadistic thrill. (gawd, I love that)
c’mon and find me now dahlink.
*Deb sits back and rubs her hands together in eager anticipation to watch where the “Where’s Aunt Soozie” thread will take us.*
alright, anothah clue…
if you travel to a place where AB feigns revealing all…
and click on her butt…
aunt soozie’s whereabouts will be revealed to you…
Well, I read that you will be leaving Auntie. I have no emotions…so whatever. I know where you are though and its been fun.
so then where am I?
I mean, where is SHE?
no emotion…blah humbug…I’m devastated.
Why are you devastated? Auntie Soozie bailed and I was just about to reveal my whereabouts. And ask her for phone number.
oh sure, you say that now…
but you still haven’t said where I’m not…I am…she is…
*smile*. Baby, you know I know, your clues stink though. I didn’y search…a bird told me.
*smile*. Baby, you know I know, your clues stink though. I didn’t search…a bird told me.
God. Astrud Gilberto, is so hot.
I love Astrud Gilberto. But what does she have to do with anything? My clue was good…go click on Alison’s butt in the photo where she is revealing all…then scroll down…you’ll find me…and then you’d better send me an email…so I’ll know that you landed in the right place.
sincerely,
Not Aunt Soozie
Ok Baby. Lets Stop the Dance. I have a better idea. How about you, post all of your information here, then I can email you, read porn and locate the flexor muscles in my cat speciman!! Three birds, one stone…I’m the greatest.
Or better yet….carmen_sandiego777@yahoo.com
Be Afraid, not Auntie Soozie, I’m disecting this week.
I feel so exhausted reading that thread and I don’t know what happened. Can someone tell me what the hell happened at the end?
Auntie Soozie moved to Zimbabwe.