Tabloid Update

March 18th, 2008 | Uncategorized

Photo 226

I’m speechless with gratitude for the articles and ads coming in for this project. Thank you all so much! To recap, there’s a big volume of DTWOF coming out this fall, and the publisher is producing a promotional piece to send to bookstores about it—a fake issue of “The Daily Distress,” the newspaper in my comic strip. It’s filled with ads and articles about the characters, contributed by YOU. (See here for more details about this crazy scheme.) All participants get a copy of the book when it comes out, and if your ad or article is chosen for the finished piece, you’ll also get an original DTWOF comic strip.

Check out what people have sent in so far. Here’s the page where I’m putting up the articles . And here are the ads. I’m updating these as more stuff comes in. And hey, can we redirect comments about the project to this post? The other ones are getting a tad unwieldy.

A Canadian secondary school student (that’s high school for us amurricans) just sent in a brilliant article. “Polyamorous Secret Gay Network Found in Bed with the World Wide Web and Publishing Company.” It took her a while because she had to finish an essay on Stalin first.

55 Responses to “Tabloid Update”

  1. Ian says:

    I just submitted a bit of a ‘serious’ article about Clarice and the Union Carbuncle suit. How nerve-racking! I’m off to have a go at an ad!

    This is so much fun it should be illegal!

  2. Ian, it’s STELLAR! I’m putting it up right now, with your sources intact. Well done, sir.

  3. Deborah says:

    Oh, Andrea’s tranny check is genius!
    This much fun must be illegal in some states…

  4. Ian says:

    Glad you like it, AB.

    Can I just say my 2 faves so far in the articles are Olivia Ferguson’s Polyamorous Secret Gay Network and Ellen Orlean’s Betsy Gilhooley. Amazingly funny.

    The ads are works of genius. If only I could work out how to use Photoshop or Gimp. Andrea’s Rainbow Automotive and Ali’s AC/DC have me bowing in admiration.

  5. Aunt Soozie says:

    Ian…great ad for Cleo!

  6. Ian says:

    Aunt Soozie – your therapy services ad made me howl, especially as I’m going through therapy at the moment. I think if I hear “and how does that make you feel” one more time I may have to hit a fluffy pillow …

  7. The Cat Pimp says:

    I downloaded gimp and managed to put out a canine obedience school advertisement using images from 419 and 420 with Anubis and Ginger.

  8. Rohmie says:

    “And hey, can we redirect comments about the project to this post?”

    Does that mean new ads should be submitted here? And are you thinking of including personal ads. Here’s one: “One gently used XL Utilikilt for sale. Must sell. Lost weight.”

  9. Rohmie says:

    Oops! I see kilts are already mentioned.

    Someone should do an in-your-face ad for that Guerrilla Therapist from Alison’s calendar days.

  10. Rohmie says:

    … With perhaps another advertising “formerly owned kitchen appliances” with the same contact information.

  11. Ian says:

    Oh gawd, I’m getting carried away here. Someone stop me before I do a book review of “The Wheat-Free Guide to Creative Visualization in Co-Dependent Past-Life Relationships” by Chloe B. DeSnail …

  12. bcgal says:

    Polyamorous Secret Gay Network. Oh. My. God. Brilliant, and hilarious. May I be permitted a moment of nationalist pride at this amazing piece by a sister Canuck (a high school student, no less!)? “Genderbread house of sodomy” is the best. line. ever.

  13. C.H. says:

    If we weren’t running out of space, we could’ve had editorials and commentary. But that brilliant piece about the “gay network” has that in spades.

  14. Fabian Alvarez says:

    I agree with Ian. This is so much fun that as soon as some Puritan discovers it, we all will be denounced.

  15. Fabian Alvarez says:

    Hello there. Would you please help me? It seems I can’t find a picture of Condoleezza Rice, here in DTWOF. I know she’s in at least one episode, but… !!!

  16. Fabian Alvarez says:

    I just sent you a little ad I think you’re going to find pretty interesting…

  17. rebeccawire says:

    love the law firm! Way to go Ian. -r

  18. Pam says:

    Alison, I’m sending you an ad for Bounders Books-n-Muzak in which they shamelessly capitalize on the closing of Madwimmin Books.

  19. DeLandDeLakes says:

    “fruit-of-the-wombless!” “Kockupski!” *screech!!!*

  20. Liv says:

    Uhm…. I’m actually half Scottish, half English, but I live in Vancouver, Canada…
    So there might be some Britishisms in there.
    Sorry to disappoint?
    I am in Grade 11 though, I promise!!

  21. Marty and E.J. says:

    hey we submitted our article on Lois’ drag king revue. we might have got a little out of hand…but it was so fun that it was hard to resist!

  22. bcgal says:

    Hey, Liv, you’re in my town! No worries, you may know the Canadian habit of claiming for “Canadian” culture anyone who even spent a summer here, so I can call you an honourary Canadian for the nonce. And/or renounce my little burst of nationalism, and just tell you your piece was stupendous, whatever your provenance.

  23. Liv says:

    Hehe, I’m proud to be an honourary Canadian.
    Thank you.

  24. Ian says:

    Good point on the Britishisms, Liv. I never know when to use a “z” or put a comma after and, or when to leave out or include a u.

    The personals/classifieds being posted now are hilarious and I’m not talking about myself. There are just some classics in there.

  25. Jen in California says:

    I love these so much! Great job all!

    Is anyone else reminded of that chapter in Little Women which reproduces the Dickensien homage newspaper that the March Sisters write? Which as I understand it, is basically the same thing that the Alcott family did when they were kids?. It has that same layered narrative quality, with the same characters showing up all over town.

    Good times!

  26. JenOnt says:

    It seems to me that the comic stylings of your friend, Ellen Forney’s Lust Lab project would suit the personals section to a T… Any thoughts of commissioning a special contribution Alison?

  27. JenOnt says:

    OMG–Liv, great job! If I may have to print a t-shirt with “Proud member of a kind of social sinkhole where perverts go to die” on it… Too funny!

  28. KarenE says:

    These are so wonderful I am de-lurking for the first time to say “Well Done Everyone!!”

  29. Jeezum!
    I just got back from therapy to find 40 billion emails in my inbox. THANK YOU!!!! I’m sorting everything out now and will put it up ASAP.

  30. KarenE says:

    40 Billion? We really ARE everywhere!

  31. Karyn says:

    Stalin would have personally killed Liv for writing that. That’s how good it is.

  32. Okay! Everything’s up! TEN new ads! SEVEN new articles! Wonderful stuff, thank you everyone so much!

    Check out the advice column on the articles page, and Clarice’s makeover, by Aunt Soozie, in the ad for Miko’s salon.

    Man, there’s so much good stuff!

    I have to go make dinner now, so won’t have time to look at whatever people have been posting to the classified section till later.

  33. DeLandDeLakes says:

    I know this sounds weird, but I am so happy to see the AC/DC electrician again. I always thought she was so hot. πŸ™‚

  34. C. H. says:

    Forgive me for asking, but how much criticism of the book industry will the publisher allow? I imagine Borders will not get a kick out of a “Bounders” ad, nor should it.

  35. Fabian Alvarez says:

    Alison: Does your computer realize that FabiΓ‘n and Fabian Alvarez Lopez are the same person, that is, yours truly? I point that, in the ad entry, my Pillzapoppin’ ad and my Enduring Freedom ad are in different entries. πŸ™‚

    I wouldn’t want to have you thanking two different people which are, all in all, one and the same. πŸ™‚

  36. ready2agitate says:

    HOOT! HOOT! HOLLER! Ha-ha-ha- har-hoo-hee! Woooo!

  37. Hammerwoman says:

    Yes! Andrea’s tranny check!
    How do you know you’re dating a REAL dyke? We were on our first date, a long motorcycle ride. . . taking a break, sitting on the curb outside a gas station, drinking some fashionable high-fructose corn syrup horror, and she asked if I wanted to come back to her house for dinner. Crap! I thought. . . I’d wanted to tell her about my, er, odd past first, ’cause I don’t want anyone to have to back up an invitation that they’d rather not have made. So, rather clumsily, I said, “Well, I really need to tell you that I’m a tranny. . . ” And she said, “A- a- transmission? Oh! You mean. . !” So, yes, maybe a tranny check service wouldn’t be a bad thing, just to save those awkward moments!

  38. DeLandDeLakes says:

    After reading all of the ads and most of the articles, I think it’s official: Alison has gotten more millage out of that rhubarb wine than any other joke in the history of the strip.

  39. Ian says:

    I think it even surpasses Mo’s striped shirt for mileage.

  40. Michelle says:

    May I just say that I am fortunate enough to actually know Liv in person – HA!

    Sadly my talents are not as hers are, and I am content to simply bask in the glory of her shadow. Oh, and Ms. Bechdel, I respect you now not only as a very funny and extremely eloquent author, but as an excellent judge of character, because she really is wonderful, isn’t she?


  41. Cynthia-Symp says:

    Mileage maybe, but pickup never. I mean, I regularly wear stripes in tribute to Mo, but I have no plans to drink rhubarb wine. Ever.

  42. Jana C.H. says:

    Cyn-Symp– Have you ever tried rhubarb wine? It doesn’t belong to the wine aristocracy, but it can be quite good. I like Hoodsport Winery:

    I just checked the website, and see they have a new pear wine. I’ll have to try that. Of course, I can get perry (pear cider) at the local farmer’s market (, but pear wine is different from perry, and I like to try new things. Maybe Lois should freak out Stuart by bringing home a bottle of perry to replace the rhubarb wine that no one in the co-op seems to like.

    Jana C.H.
    Saith Ben Frinklin: Never praise your Cider, Horse, or Bedfellow

  43. Jana C.H. says:

    Typo City!

    Ben Frinklin, of course, was Ben Franklin’s FTM second cousin once removed, who published the early trans journal, “Poor Robin’s Almanac”.


  44. LizGig says:

    Are shops in Europe going to be getting copies of this pormotional newspaper? Because I would be very sad to miss out on it.

  45. Ian says:

    Was wondering that – have the UK release of “Essential” down as 8 September being published by Jonathan Cape (who published Fun Home). You don’t really tend to see items like the newspaper in British bookshops – or do you? At least I don’t remember if they do or not.

  46. Charlotte says:

    Oh my goodness, Liv, you’ve gained quite a following.

    I love “SLOINK.” That is brilliant.

  47. Liv says:

    This is why I often prefer not having a social life.
    Friends are embarrassing.

  48. JMG says:

    Oh my God. The anti-essentialist Sydney article is amazing. Whoever you are that wrote that, I am in love.

  49. ms says:

    Iara, your cartoons are FANTASTIC!!! Really hilarious stuff. πŸ˜€

  50. Maggie Jochild says:

    Can I just say, I read through all the ads and articles yet again, and the talent displayed here is nothing short of phenomenal. EVERY SINGLE ONE demonstrated, as Garry Keillor would say, “above average” intelligence, a gift for self-deprecation, an eye for line or linges, and the love of people that is at the heart of this strip AND its community. It’s been the best week ever here at DTWOF, and that’s saying something.

  51. Ian says:

    Iara’s ‘toons are amazing.

    I don’t know about anyone else but it’s been so much fun to do all this and read all these incredible bits of creativity. I don’t think I’ve ever giggled so much.

  52. iara says:

    It really has been the best week, I wish it would go on forever – and thanks to the people that said nice things about the comics. OMG, Maggie Jochild, I love it that all of our creations are “above average,” I never thought I’d live to see that expression make sense. I am enjoying all the articles and the ads so much and am saving your test for a rainy day.
    Meanwhile I still would like to do a couple more comics and a Sudyku for the funnies page – I know they are late, but…
    I have been thinking also that there ought to be an ad for the “Moose Muffin Lodge” in Vermont (along with the Emu Ranch – justice of the Peace), where Clarice and Toni go to get married. I know I have seen the Moose lodge pictured somewhere in some episode, but I can’t find it again – I only find the “Congratulations from Moose Muffin Lodge” champagne bottle in Episode #350. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
    AB, will you consider an ad for the Moose Lodge please, pretty please, as long as it gets there by Sunday?

  53. The Cat Pimp says:

    BTW, AB, if the publisher finds any of my images too low-resolution, I’d be happy to redo them with a higher rez. I ‘d hate to miss out due to newbie-tude and (as you can tell) I am a fast worker.

  54. Peircey says:

    JMG–Thank you!! I am a fairly frequent lurker, but had never submitted anything to the blog before. (This, in fact, is my first official post.) Liv’s brilliant contribution was just so inspiring, the Sydney piece pretty much wrote itself. I really appreciate the affirmation.

    On a different topic, this has probably come up before, but Ian’s message reminded me that Jonathan Cape was also the original publisher of The Well of Loneliness.

  55. […] on exactly what is and isn’t included in the book, and why.) Everyone who contributed to the Daily Distress fake tabloid will be getting their copy in the near […]